Firefighters/EMTs Share The Dumbest Person They Had To Save From A Stupid Situation

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Call 911!  The house is on fire!  This seems like a relatively common call for most firefighters and EMT’s.  However, some people call for the dumbest things, like leaving a pie in the oven and asking them to go over and turn the oven off because you aren’t home.

Take a look at some of the most outrageous calls made to firefighters and EMT’s that will leave you absolutely speechless and wonder how some people get through life on a daily basis.

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42. But Wait! Let Me Take A Selfie!

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My friend’s former roommate was a firefighter. Anyway, I was over at their place one day, and firefighter Dave comes home looking exhausted. We could smell the smoke on him, so we knew he had seen some action that day. We asked him about it, and he just got this really sad, but had a humored look in his eye. An Instagram model had set her apartment building on fire by filling her room with candles for some photoshoot where she would pretend to be doing yoga in the middle of hundreds of candles. But she saw a spider sitting on one of the lit candles… So she sprayed some Raid at it. The room pretty much ignited extremely quickly and, in her fear, she threw the bottle of Raid at the fire, and then hid in her shower across the hall.

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She was still in the apartment when Dave kicked in the door and carried her out, her apartment engulfed in flames. She was close to passing out from smoke inhalation, so Dave had to cradle her in his arms. As he carries her to the window to be lowered on a ladder, she says “Wait.” Dave stops, thinking she is about to tell him about someone else that needs rescuing. She meekly lifts her phone and snaps a selfie, making the duck face and everything, flames in the background. Apparently, by the time he left, the Instagram model had posted the photo to her profile and it was already getting tons of likes. From what I hear, though, she DID kill the spider. So technically she wasn’t a TOTAL moron.

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41. Accidentally Bumped Into It

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I once responded to an emergency call on base. The call was a vague medical emergency where the R.P. was crying and kept saying they needed an ambulance. The dispatcher had called ahead and the barracks manager was waiting with a key. We opened the door to find a young seaman with his pants and underwear around his ankles surrounded by adult stuff and lube on the floor. He was just standing there on his tiptoes, tears running down his face and softly moaning. I walked over to him only to realize that the doorknob to his bathroom was up his butt and still attached to the door.

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Dumbfounded, I looked at him expectantly and he said: “I backed up into it by accident.” Being already out of breath, I had to sit down as the laughter began. When EMS arrived, they couldn’t believe it either. They ended up cutting the door around the knob and transporting him with the knob still up to his butt. As it was, they had to take him down eight flights of stairs. With each bump down the steps, the knob would move and he would yelp. By the fifth floor, it wasn’t funny anymore.

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40. “Oh Fire! I’m Gonna Take A Video!”

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I once had a firefighter tell me he almost died in a fire while going back into the house to look for the owner. A neighbor was concerned about why the firefighter was still in the residence, so he asked another firefighter. This is about how the exchange went: Neighbor: “Why is that fireman still in the house?” Firefighter: “He’s looking for the owner of the home.” Neighbor: “He is over there with the video camera.”

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Turns out the owner did not think it was important to alert the fire department he was out of the house. Instead, he was just taking a video of the whole event. The fire started because the owner had tried to smother his barbecue flame with left over wood from the siding that had been installed on his home. The owner did not realize it would burn. Burned his whole house down.

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39. Batman Can’t Always Save The Day

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My grandfather was a firefighter, and they got a call saying that someone heard screaming in the house next door. When he got to the house, the person wouldn’t open their door. So they went in themselves, and found what was going on in the bedroom. A naked lady was strapped to the bed, and her partner was knocked out in a Batman suit next to the bed.

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It turns out they were role-playing, and he thought it would be a good idea to jump onto the bed. However, he hit his head on the ceiling fan and got knocked out, while his wife/girlfriend couldn’t get out from the straps to the bed.

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38. Something’s Fishy

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This is my favorite story of my dad’s. He’s a young firefighter and gets called to an unknown medical call. He and his partner show up and a very concerned gay man answers the door. They ask what the problem is and the homeowner guides them to the bedroom where another man is in bed under the covers. His partner tells him to take the covers off and show the firefighters. He reluctantly removes the sheets to reveal a fishtail protruding from the man’s buttocks.

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They ask what happened, and he said they used a frozen fish as a “toy” and it thawed out and the spiky dorsal fin was now latched in his rectum. My dad calls backup and the chief arrives at the house. He walks into the bedroom and assesses the situation and without missing a beat tells the man… “Son, you really need to learn to chew your food better.”

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37. Balls Eye!

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Once I went on a call for a man with ‘unknown trauma’ to his lower body. When we arrived, there was a man laying on the couch of his ex-wife‘s house and his pants were ripped and caked in blood. We tried to get the ex-wife to tell us what happened but all she kept saying was, “I woke up this morning and found him here laying on my couch.” In my mind, I was a little skeptical since it seemed like the two hated each other but I ignored it and continued to examine the man. He reeked and seemed very discombobulated probably due to a large amount of blood he lost. We asked him what happened, but he didn’t know either. So we asked him to remove his pants and sure enough his underwear was soaked in blood as well. We cut off his underwear and to our astonishment, this man’s ball sack was cut open in an almost surgical fashion. And the best part was that both of his balls were hanging outside his sack.

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Ironically, due to how inebriated this man was he didn’t bleed to death because the stuff he consumed had slowed his heart rate. Long story short, this man had gotten so inebriated that he somehow ended up at his ex-wife’s house and when he couldn’t get in the front door, he decided to climb a fence in the backyard which had sharp exposed points on the top of it — and when he jumped to the ground, let’s just say not all of him made it down. And that’s the time I had to hold another man’s sack together because he was being a dummy.

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36. Self Adventurer

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One day, we got a call for a man with pain in his rectum. When we get on scene, we find the patient lying face down with his butt straight in the air. After asking him what was going on we noticed that there is a 2-liter bottle of coke wedged into his butt (you don’t just start with a 2-liter bottle; obviously he had to work his way up to that).

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We took him to the closest ER and after x-rays, they said the top of the bottle was up to his belly button and that this wasn’t his first time in the ER. The same patient came in a month prior for having 10 pebbles that you would find in a fish tank wedged into his junk.

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35. To See Is To Believe

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My step-dad was a firefighter and he told me he once got called to a house party where a kid was really drunk and hurt himself. When he got there, he found out one of the kids had shoved a pool ball up his butt. So they took him to the hospital to have it removed.

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Later that night, they got another call to the same house party, only to find the same kid had shoved another pool ball up his butt, claiming no one believed he did it the first time.

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34. Death By Flour

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My father responded to a “self-killing” attempt when he was a firefighter/EMT. He entered the kitchen of the house to find a 300-pound black woman, completely naked with the kitchen and herself completely caked in white power.

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She was crying hysterically and after five minutes, they finally got her to explain that she tried to end her life by snorting baking flour. Like wow!

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33. Man Vs. Gopher

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A few years ago, we had this call straight out of “Caddy Shack.” Some guy had gotten tired of this gopher ruining his yard. Little did he know though he was facing the Sun Tzu of gophers. The homeowner, dwelling upon his experience from Vietnam, decided that the best way to deal with the gopher was to treat the situation like a VC tunnel, in lieu of an explosive weapon, he poured a five-gallon can of gasoline down the gopher hole, waited with a varmint weapon, and lit it off. The ensuing explosion caused a small crater to form in his yard. I am still thoroughly impressed that there was a proper fuel to air ratio in the network of tunnels that allowed for such an explosion to happen.

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However, the gopher refused to surrender without a fight. The gopher ran out of the hole engulfed in flames, causing the guy’s yard to catch on fire. The gopher sprinted into the guy’s shed still on fire and burrowed into a void space in the wall, where he died. Like the martyr perk from “Modern Warfare,” his still flaming remains set the inside of the wall on fire as well as several flammables. In the end, the guy’s backyard was ruined and about a quarter of his shed burned down taking out a bunch of power tools and a zero-turn mower. He definitely would have saved a few thousand dollars if he had hired an exterminator.

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32. Piano Wire Floss

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I was dispatched to a call for a man high on PCP at his mother’s house and his family was worried about him. When I arrived, it was the bloodiest scene I’ve ever seen. There was blood all over the floor, on the walls, and on the ceiling.

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When I walked all the way into the room, I saw a naked man sitting on the floor flossing his teeth. Apparently, the guy was high on PCP and was flossing his teeth with piano wire. It ended up destroying the guy’s teeth and gums.

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31. The Leather Incident

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A few weeks ago, we got dispatched to a candle burning through the floor of an apartment. Come to find out, the person inside was practicing auto-erotica when he fell over and knocked the candle over.

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Luckily for him, his neighbor heard him yelling for help and contacted our department. Of course, he wasn’t able to open the door for us so we forced our entry. When we got in, he was wearing only leather chaps and a leather mask, bound to a chair.

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30. The Attention Seeker

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I’m not the firefighter, but my brother’s wife at the time was. There was this massive structure fire at a barn in town that drew out nearly every truck in the general area – like three towns worth of firefighters trying to get this thing under control. During all of this, there was some lady who continuously called 911 asking over and over. “What’s going on at the farm up the road?” According to her, this woman would have to be a complete moron to not realize what was going on as the fire could be seen for miles. Fast forward later into the night and one of the ambulances on the scene suddenly leaves – obviously not normal for this sort of situation, but there isn’t much time to question it. Fast forward still and as things are finally starting to calm down and are under control, one of the volunteers on the original ambulance comes over in his own car and shuffles sheepishly over to her and the chief of their department. He tells them that there is a woman a little way down the road who called the ambulance (hence why they left) and requires a lift assist, but absolutely REFUSES to let the EMTs do it. No, no, it has to be a firefighter…

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My brother’s wife seeing that the other departments have things under control, goes with the man to see what’s up. Apparently, it was the same woman who had called 911 over and over again and when they arrive, she is laying on the floor absolutely wailing. EMTs say they can’t find anything wrong from what they’ve been able to do, but with her requested firefighter they are finally able to get this woman up. They start asking her what happened, hoping she might be more willing to share with my brother’s wife there, and she says, “I was just feeling a little ignored. I figured this would get your attention.” This grown woman just laid herself on the floor, called for help, insisted on a firefighter when there was no need – all because the barn fire was getting way more attention than she was and the 911 operators wouldn’t give her the gossip about what was going on. I know she got in major trouble for abusing 911, but from what I hear from the people on both fire and ambulance, she has made a habit of calling for help whenever she feels she’s not getting enough attention.

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29. Jelly Slipped

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I got a call from a guy about cries for help coming from his neighbor’s house. The neighbor called 911. We roll up lights and sirens and sure enough, there’s a lady calling for help out the upstairs bedroom window. “Ma’am, we’re with the fire department, are you injured?” She said, ‘No, it’s my husband, he’s unconscious, please hurry.” I asked, “Is he breathing?” She said, “Yes, I think so.” I asked, “Can you let us in?” She said, “No, just break down the door.” So we break down the front door and rush upstairs to the master bedroom only be greeted by the woman, laying bare, chained spread eagle to the bed with her husband out cold on the floor, wearing nothing but a Batman cape and mask.

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Evidently, during their kinky playtime, he had climbed up on a dresser, and was going to jump onto the bed, but slipped in some lubricant and knocked himself out cold. She was secured tight to the bed and unable to free herself and since this was the mid-1980s, there was no way to ask Siri or Alexa to call for help. We loaded him up for a trip to the hospital and cut her loose, so she could get dressed and join him. He made a full recovery.

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28. His “Fantastic” Idea

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Rolled up to a row of two-story townhomes. The unit in the middle was blowing and going. By the time we put the fire out, there was a huge “V” pattern on the backside of the complex, meaning you could see where the fire started at about waist level near the rear wall because everything above it was burned away upwards and outwards. Just completely cratered and gone in a “V” all the way up to the (now mostly missing) roof.

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Turns out the genius in the middle unit was trying to start his charcoal BBQ grill. Unfortunately, he didn’t have any starter fluid, so he got a fantastic idea to use gasoline instead. Alas, the coals didn’t completely catch the first time he lit them off, so he decided to pour on more gasoline. OUT OF THE GLASS JAR HE WAS USING TO STORE IT IN. A spark in the coals leaped up the pouring gas into the jar. Said genius panicked and threw the jar. Directly at the wall of his townhome where it exploded. He destroyed his own home. When we rolled up our hoses and went back in service, leaving the scene in the capable hands of the investigators, the neighbors from either side were angrily and animatedly grouped up on the sidewalk out front, waiting for Captain Dummy to return from the walk he had suddenly decided he needed to go on to ‘clear his head.

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27. A Wild Ride Of A Story

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I was a volunteer firefighter many years back. One summer, after a long period of no rain, two good old boys decide to have a few (dozen) drinks and take their Jeep into a nearby field to go off-roading. Well, two-feet-tall corn stalks that are bone-dry wind-up getting jammed up into the undercarriage, which, on a 90+ degree day, turns out to be hot enough to ignite a fire. The owner of the field sees the situation unfolding from their house and calls for fire and police.

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Given the proximity to my location, I go directly to the scene after hearing the page go out and see these two scumbags trying to drive the Jeep faster and faster to put the fire out. Eventually, the engine gives out, but they won’t leave the car. I physically had to reach-in, burning my arms in the process (since I didn’t respond to the station first to get my turnout gear), and pull them out – somehow, they decided that remaining in the car would slow down the flames. And because they thought it was a good idea to continue driving a burning vehicle around a dry field, we now have a significant brush fire and have to call mutual aid from another county to help douse the fire. State Police get involved, I have a nice trip to the hospital. And guys lose their Jeep and the remainder of their leftover drinks.

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26. Heated Nuts

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I’m a firefighter and once, we responded to the home of an elderly man that was “stuck to his chair.” It turns out, the man was sitting on one of those white plastic patio furniture stools in the shower.

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Well, the stool got hot and the plastic became pliable and his nuts fell through the slats. When the stool cooled off, the slats became rigid again and he was stuck. At least the old man was a good sport about the whole ordeal.

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25. Don’t Drink And Parachute

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The other day there were 45-60 m.p.h. winds here. A call came over the radio dispatching us to a man parachuting who had fallen 120 ft. My first thought was what the hell was he thinking in this wind. The second thought was trying to figure out what caused him to fall.

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It turns out because it was so windy, the guy thought he could use the same theory as parasailing, using the wind to lift him up. He tied himself off to a tree and strapped the parachute on. Up he went. He was around 150 feet up when the wind speed dropped. He started floating down when the rope broke. Without the rope holding him stationary, the wind provided no lift and the chute folded and down he went. When we arrived, there was a strong odor of alcohol in the air. We asked how much the person had to drink and it started off as 1 beer. It quickly changed and when all was said and done, he admitted to no less than seven beers.

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24. The Crazy CAT-apult

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Not a person, but a cat. So one day we get this non-emergency call on the FD’s landline and it is a kind old woman who is very concerned about her cat which has been in the top of a tree for about 24 hours and seems unable to get down. I kindly explained to her that we do not respond to calls about cats stuck in trees. She tells me that this is her only cat and she would be happy to make us a double batch of cookies if we would just please get her cat out of the tree. We arrive on the scene with a firetruck, an ambulance, and the battalion chief’s SUV and she is standing out on the lawn waiting for us. She leads us into the backyard and shows us a 50-foot cedar tree, which has Clyde perched on top of it. So we grab a ladder and send the rookie up the tree, he gets about 25-feet up there on the 30-feet ladder but can’t climb the tree any higher because the branches are thin, so our battalion chief orders him to tie a knot around the tree with the end of a rope and come back down.

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Now the whole crew slowly starts to pull the tree over. Suddenly the knot that the rookie tied around the tree comes free and the tree snaps back up to its original position at like 50 miles an hour and launches Clyde the cat out of the back yard, across a small creek bed and into the blackberry bushes about 100 feet away. I will never forget the sight of that at the moment that knot snapped and the death grip it had on the tree as it shot back upwards. Nor the way it cartwheeled end over end and disappeared into a dense crop of blackberries well out of our line of sight. And I definitely won’t forget the noise it made either, and let me tell you, it is exactly the noise you think a cartwheeling cat might make; sort of a ROWRahrowrAROWRarowraROWR.

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23. When Food Is Life But Sleep Is Lifer

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This person was staying at an extended stay place (think hotel but you live there more long term and you usually have a hot plate and fridge or something like that.) Well, this guy came home from work and decided he was hungry and started cooking some eggs. He then decided to lay down on his bed, where he promptly fell asleep. The eggs start burning and he ends up inhaling smoke. We bust through his door and I try shaking him awake.

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But by that point, so much smoke was in his body that he didn’t wake up even with me shaking him. My captain tells me to grab his torso, he grabs the legs, and we start hauling him out. Well, that jolts him awake, and he is obviously combative towards us. We explain the situation, and he calms down, but he could have passed if he had been asleep for like five more minutes in that environment.

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22. The Illegal Renter

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Once got called out to a fully involved two-story residential structure fire. The fire had probably had time to consume the building for an hour or two before anyone noticed (residents weren’t home, no nearby neighbors). The place was so hot, you could feel your skin starting to crisp up underneath your turnout gear 30 feet away. Obvious surround and drown operation, no way were we saving any part of this building. The homeowner comes up to me screaming and crying while I’m on the nozzle that we have to go inside to save her four dogs. I didn’t know how to tell her that if I couldn’t get close to the house in fireproof pants, there was not a snowball’s chance her dogs trapped inside were still alive. All told it took about seven hours to put the fire out, and another two to finish overhaul and packing up our gear. The entire building was gone, nothing but a few burnt out support beams left.

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It comes out later that she was illegally renting the place out like a tenement house to a bunch of day laborers and their families and had gotten someone to do unlicensed electrical work inside which started the fire. It’s a wonder no humans were hurt, but I think about that fire and that woman’s total disregard for safety or the well-being of her tenants a lot. Multiple families lost everything they owned that day because some cheap landlord took shortcuts where she shouldn’t have.

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21. Man, You’re Drunk!

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I was a volunteer firefighter. One of the old-timers shouts, “The house next door is on fire!” We all jump into action and pull one of the pumpers out onto the apron and start to prepare to attack the raging fire right next door. The occupant of the house is on the front lawn half-dressed and drunk off his butt shouting over and over again, “My kids! My god dang kids!” We assume he is trying to drunkenly tell us that there are kids in the house so as we send in a line to fight the fire, me and another two guys start a rescue check. We enter the front door and start working our way along the wall to the right. The first room off the living room is a bedroom that is obviously inhabited by a little kid.

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As I crawl over the top of the bed, I look down and my heart stops….a tiny arm is sticking out from under the bed. I scream through my air-packs mask, “I found one,” and pull out a doll. It turns out, drunky was upset because his wife left him and took the kids and he set the house on fire because he passed out while cooking himself something to eat.

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20. The Naked Chicken Man

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I was a volunteer firefighter. One night there was a fire call, and the info that came across the pagers was, “Man on fire Poontang Road.” There was much confusion. The correction came a few minutes later, “Kitchen fire Petang Road.” With that confusion out of the way, we went to the correct address and found a man running around his front yard naked, with some mild grease burns in certain places.

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It turns out, he decided to put some chicken on the stove, then went and had a shower. What he’d assumed was just steam from the shower turned out to be smoke. A grease fire had started while he was in the shower, and considering he ran straight from the shower to the kitchen, he was buck naked trying to put it out and was splattered with grease. There was only minor damage to the kitchen and his injuries weren’t severe.

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19. Tree Deterrents

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We needed to close the main connection through a forest over the winter because the trees were falling faster on the road than we could remove them due to way too much snow falling. Also, the redirection was more than an hour longer due to the snow. Some cars thought that they would come through but turned around as soon as they saw the trees on the road.

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One semi also thought he’d get through. He drove up to the trees and called the fire brigade and complained about why we didn’t remove the trees. As he was calling a bunch of trees behind him also fell locking him in. It stood there one month before the trees and the snow could get removed by us that at least the semi could back out. We needed another month until the road was free again.

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18. Did He Get A Free Pie?

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I was called to a home to get a pie out of the over before it caught fire. Apparently, the lady went to the store and was delayed for some reason.

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Well, her best solution was to call 911 to have the fire department take the pie out of the oven and place it on the stove.  The call came in as: “Something is stuck in the oven and I am unable to turn off the stove.” It’s still my favorite call in 32 years.

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17. Surprise!

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A motorist had a bad alternator and the car died while she/he was driving. The electric lock control stopped working. We were dispatched for a person trapped in a motor vehicle. On arrival, the advice was given to manually lift the lock knob. You can easily tell the ones who will not survive the first 24 hours of the zombie apocalypse.

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Another time, I rescued a guy trying to surprise his girlfriend on Christmas by coming down the chimney completely unannounced. Her son noticed something was going on before she did. He put a starter log in the fireplace and almost ended him had the smoke not started billowing out the fireplace into the living room. I ran into her with a different guy on St. Patrick’s Day.

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16. Feeling Cat

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An 8-year-old girl stuck up to her waist in one of those cat tree things with an enclosure in the bottom. The hole for the cat to was exactly the width of her waist, and once she got her arms in, she got them twisted up in such a way that she couldn’t push herself out.

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We ended up cutting it apart around her with Raptor shears since those things are mostly just cardboard and carpet stapled together. By far the funniest call I’ve ever responded to.

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15. All For The Gram

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Former firefighter and EMT. Easily the dumbest person I encountered was a mother of four who decided it would be an awesome idea to get an Instagram picture of her kids (all under age 10) sitting in a rowboat. The mother untied it from the dock and thought she’d just pull them back with the rope… That she forgot to hold on to.

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They floated a half-mile down the river before the two oldest boys managed to grab a branch hanging over the bank. It was really surreal to see four young kids, all in matching clothing, sitting in a boat waiting to be rescued. I have no clue what happened after, but they were physically fine; just scared and a little tired. The mom was in full-blown panic mode and kept getting in our way. I hope she’s making better choices now.

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14. An Embarrassing Childhood Memory

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Austin, Texas, circa 1990. A little girl needed to use the toilet. She locked the door, managed to get onto the toilet and use it all by herself. She’s a big girl after all! But, the toilet is tall and getting down is scary. Better wait for mom to come help.

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Except, she can’t get in, because the little idiot locked the door and was too scared of the five inches from her feet to the floor. So she just sat there crying while sitting on the toilet. The firemen broke down the door and the little girl was saved. God dang, I was a stupid kid.

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13. Taser Threat

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I’m a firefighter and this is what happened.  The call dropped as a “40-year-old male that had an adult toy stuck in his butt.” Yeah, that was said over the radio. It wasn’t a busy night so all the cops arrived. We got the toy out. And it was rolling around, still vibrating.

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All the cops were sitting there talking and my captain said he’d give me $50 to pick it up and throw it at the cops. I had gloves on and as soon as I picked the toy up, the cops had their tasers out and aimed right for my chest! Needless to say, I was about to poop my pants.

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12. Don’t Do It Again, Kiddo

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We got a call about a little kid stuck in a bathtub. Nobody could make heads or tails of how a child can get physically stuck in a bathtub, so we rocked up in one of our engines and had a look. What had happened was that the child, almost three years old, had been left in the bath to play while it drained. The drain had a bolted-down sieve in it, with five holes. Kiddo had five fingers, and must have thought it a good idea to jam them into said holes. Of course, they swelled up and got stuck. So now we had a kid attached to a bathtub drain, and no way to get at the bolt holding him there. A buddy and I were sent down to get: A large hammer, an angle grinder (gas-powered), safety goggles, a spare helmet, a dog plushie, earplugs.

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We filled the tub back up a bit, enough so kiddo’s hand was covered in water for cooling. We gave him the plushie, with instructions to make sure it doesn’t get wet, gave him earplugs and a Real Life Fireman’s Helmet, and went to town. Four quick cuts around the drain hole, then bash in the tiles, and finally another cut through the drain. We then transported the boy/tub hybrid to the hospital for de-hybridization, since the fingers had become quite blue, and we didn’t want to induce tourniquet removal syndrome without access to proper medical care.

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11. A Mother’s Devotion

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We responded to a call for a severely obese man – 700+ pounds. He fell out of bed, and couldn’t get up. In fact, the guy hadn’t been out of his bed in over a year! The room was so small, there was no way possible to get any equipment in the room to lift that much weight or even get him out the doorways of the building. After sizing up the situation, and considering the circumstances it was decided to take the guy to the hospital. The only way to get him out of the house was to cut the exterior wall out of the apartment and use a forklift to pick the guy up and place him on a flatbed truck with a mattress on it, by using the fire hoses as the lifting slings.

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We spend hours rigging it up, to be safe, but I don’t think any of us working on it thought it would work. The ridiculous part? The guy’s mother was feeding him, and of course, cleaning up the poop – but why? Some weird mothering instincts took over and she fed him huge amounts of food, like two dozen donuts a day, two roasted chickens, six Whoppers, etc., and then clean up the huge piles of poop. I can’t even imagine why or how she could do that or even afford it.

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10. No Diving Allowed

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The fire department and the paramedics had to come to my work one day because some kid didn’t know the difference between a swimming pool and a splash pad. There’s this artificial waterfall that goes down into a basin that’s only about two inches deep where there’re fountains and stuff for kids to play in. This kid decided to climb the waterfall (there are multiple signs posted not to do this) and decided to dive off into the water below that again is only TWO INCHES DEEP!

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Luckily, the kid landed flat on his face, so he survived and avoided being paralyzed, but he was knocked out cold immediately and would have probably drowned but luckily his mother heard the splat and came running over screaming and pulled him out.

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9. A Stapled Note

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I’m a firefighter and one of the most recent acts of idiocy I’ve dealt with was a teen pulling the “Waaah my girlfriend dumped me. I’ll crash my car in a lake with a note pinned to me” crap. Now, before you think I’m insensitive read further.

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He was headed towards a pond down a hill, swerved towards the lake, overcorrected and hit a tree across the pond then fled on foot not wanting to get in trouble. The local PD caught him half a mile away and the idiot still had the damn note stapled to his shirt.

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8. A Fleur De Lis Accident

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I remember asking a firefighter about this once. A guy who had been getting intimate with another man’s wife. Her husband came home, so he jumped out the second story window buck naked and impaled himself through the upper leg on a fence paling.

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It was one of those fleur de lis ones, so it messed up his leg pretty badly. They had to cut the paling out of the fence and load him into an ambulance.

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7. Oh, Christmas!

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Right before Christmas, we had a structure fire that was started by the homeowner burning his 55-gallon drum of random wood cuttings and pieces from various tree trimmings under his “home engineered” carport. Now, to paint the picture a little, this carport is every bit of MAYBE six feet high. And made of nothing but plywood and two by fours. He then used decking bolts to secure it to his mobile home. So, he lights up his burn barrel, under his carport, because it’s kinda misty out, and he doesn’t want to stand in it. The flames from the CEDAR he was burning in his barrel reached probably 15 feet high and caught his carport on fire, which in turn, caught his car, his wife’s car, and his mobile home on fire.

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He’s on the far outskirts of our district, so by the time we roll up, his cars are fully involved, with about half of his house rolling. Luckily for his kids, we were able to get in and save all of their Christmas gifts from under the tree. Seeing their faces after we brought out their presents is a memory I’ll never forget. All because he “had to burn his wood barrel that day.”

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6. Fun In The Bathtub

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I am a firefighting student and my step-father and mother were volunteer firefighters. They got a call from the medics to respond to a lift assist call at a local hotel. They got there, and there was a very very large man who got stuck in the bathtub, naked. My step-father had to get in the tub and try and pull him out, which didn’t work.

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So there my step-dad is, in his bunker gear, shin-deep in water with a naked dude. Finally, they lubed up the guy and pulled him out. My mother was hardly useful on the call, as she had to go into the hallway to laugh because my father was caught in a bathtub with a big naked guy.

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5. Save The Babe

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Not me, but my brother-in-law used to be a fireman in NYC. His worst story involved a bunch of people who didn’t speak a word of English. They decided to have a pig roast… in an apartment building… in the bathtub.

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Naturally, the bathtub heated up the walls sufficiently that they started a roaring blaze. He said when he got there, they were more interested in them saving the pig than putting out the fire.

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4. The Old Lady And The Guy

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My dad worked at a fire station as a medic and he has a couple of stories: Once, an older lady called because she had been hit in the head with an orange. Apparently, it is already enough reason for her to call an emergency.

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Another time, they got called to an old barn at 2 a.m. and a guy dressed in all black came running around the corner. When he caught his breath, he said: “I think I broke my leg!” It seems like firefighters never have a dull moment.

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3. This Is Why You Should Always Wear A Harness

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My uncle used to be a firefighter. He told me a story about a person he was training to become part of the team. The person didn’t follow protocol regarding belts that they had to fasten around their bodies.

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When the person was performing a drill that involved getting suspended in-air, a loose part of the belt caught his sensitive area as he was mid-air, with all his weight crushing it. My uncle got him out of there and he had to go to the hospital.

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2. Yellow And Orange

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Hurricane Floyd. Eastern NC. I had a farmer with a large family that refused to evacuate his house. Stubborn bastard. The river had broken loose—floodwaters were coming up fast and the police had given up on changing his mind.

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I drove my truck right up into his yard, rolled down the window and asked him to dress his kids in something orange or bright yellow. He asked me why and I said, “So body recovery will be able to distinguish them from all the dead pigs floating around.” He told me to screw off, but five minutes later he had the whole family in the vehicle and they got the heck out.

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1. Tripping Out

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I went on a ride with my brother who’s a firefighter. We went down the block to the neighborhood car show and block party, which was pretty cool. They got a medical call and had to roll. I sat in the truck while they and the paramedics took care of it.

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They came back, all shaking their heads. She’d taken something and it made her “feel funny.” They got called back about 3 a.m. for the same reason.

Marijean Grace

Marijean Grace

Spreading some good positive vibes!