People Confess The Secrets That They Will Take To The Grave

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We all have secrets, but some secrets are more embarrassing–and scandalous–than others.

The following people spill everything from secretly sleeping with their cousins to winning the lottery to getting pregnant and giving birth–all in secret.

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60. A “Smart” Way To Get Your Crush Notice You

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There was a girl who I had a crush on from the moment I saw her on my college campus. She ended up dating this awful dude a few weeks later. I happened to end up sitting in a study room with him and a few mutual friends. He talked about how he didn’t think she was that attractive and how he liked other girls. I wrote the girl an anonymous email using one of those websites telling her about the things I heard and how the guy was a jerk.

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She ended up breaking up with him after she found out he was cheating. The girl is now my girlfriend of six months. She has no idea (and is sitting across from me in the library). I’ve never told anyone this before.

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59. Scared ‘Em Good

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In Dutch, when you boil an egg and then place it into cold water to make it easier to peel an egg, it’s called “to scare” the eggs. One day when I was about 6 or 7, my mom asked me to “scare” the eggs. So, little joker I was, lifted the lid of the pan and yelled “BOOO!” My mom cracked up and has been telling this story ever since, for over 20 years. She’s come to love the story and still truly thinks that I wanted to really “scare” the eggs.

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Now, the truth is I knew what “scaring an egg” meant and only wanted to make her laugh because she was in a sad place and time back then. It’s made her laugh for over 20 years, that means it’s the best joke I’ve ever pulled off and I’d die before I’d let her find out I was just kidding.

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58. Oops! It Wasn’t The Dog!

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During my freshman year of college, I was really hungover one morning and I was back at my parents’ house for the rest of the weekend. I was wearing loose-fitting athletic shorts with no underwear, and kind of rocking back and forth in front of the TV to feel that satisfying slap (any dude knows what I’m talking about). Well, I went to fart but instead, a stream of diarrhea squirted out just at the right moment and completely missed my shorts but got all over the carpet.

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I went to the bathroom to grab some tissue paper, and by the time I got back to the living room, my dad was on his hands and knees cleaning it up and yelling at my dog. I’ve never had the heart to tell him it was my accident.

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57. That Mom Is Already A Grandmother

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Do you know those stories about girls in the 70s who “went to live with an aunt” for a year during high school? I did that. In 2008. I was a very naive teenager with irregular periods, and my friend thought it would be absolutely hilarious to buy those cheap pregnancy tests at Walmart and see what happened. We laughed the whole time, until one of them was positive. We couldn’t remember which was which so we got two more and turns out it was mine. That was when it dawned on me that I had had sex with someone (my school did not offer any kind of education and my parents were useless in that regard). I panicked and swore my friend to secrecy. I basically put it out of my mind until my pants didn’t fit anymore. I was always close with one of my older cousins and we were talking on the phone one night when she asked how school was going and I just dumped all of it on her. She came up with the perfect plan. It was already April and when I’d finally gotten the courage to go to Planned Parenthood they’d told me I was due in August. So my cousin called my mom saying there was this amazing summer music program in her town that I just HAD to attend, and that I could stay with her the whole time. My mom thought it was great and the day after school ended I got on a plane to San Francisco. I stayed with my cousin, she went to all of my appointments with me, and she helped me find a social worker and eventually my daughter’s parents.

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When I arrived back home before my junior year of high school started, my mom asked me how my summer was without really caring and then remarked that I must’ve lost a few pounds. My cousin died in 2012 in a car accident, and no one else knew apart from that one friend, the doctors I saw in Oakland, and the people involved in the adoption. I get a photo and a letter about the child once a year, and I send money for her college and a card for her birthday every year. When she turns 16, her parents are allowed to give her the cards if she wants them, but they are not permitted to pass any contact information along. I have no interest in meeting her or getting to know her personally. I know she’s safe and comfortable and that’s all I want. I will die before I tell anyone about her, and if my friend were to spill the beans I would deny it.

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56. My Dad’s Briefcase

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My dad was a biker and he died in a motorcycle accident. He had this huge old garage/barn that he spent hours in. I was cleaning it out with my sister and we found a locked briefcase buried in a cupboard. We popped the lock and it was full of women’s clothing– stockings, lingerie, things like that. And definitely not my mom’s size. I was pissed. He had been cheating on her.

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Then I got into his AOL accounts because I had to go in to shut his accounts down. There I found all of these screen names that he had made over the years. Every one of them had to do with stockings and panties. That’s when I realized that the clothing in the briefcase wasn’t a woman’s; it was his. I found tons of dirty gay videos on his computer as well. My sister and I swore never to tell and we got rid of all of the evidence. My mom is extremely conservative and it would kill her to find out.

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55. Glad She Grew Up Alright!

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When I was about 13, I was visiting my aunt and seeing my baby cousin for the first time. While I was holding my baby cousin, my aunt and mother left the room and I was alone holding the baby. So, of course, I dropped her.

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Probably about four feet to the ground on the carpet. No one saw, I picked her back up and said she just started crying for no reason. It’s almost 20 years later and she seems alright.

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54. Not Really A Hero, But The Bad Guy

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I was about five years old and my sister was about two years old. We were in the backyard in a kiddie pool, and when my mom went inside, I attempted to drown my sister. After I saw her lifeless, I realized that it was a big mistake and pulled her out of the pool and called for my mom.  Luckily, my mom knew CPR and she was airlifted to the hospital. My mom thanked me for saving my sister and pulling her out of the pool.

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Next week was my birthday, and the police, firefighters, and paramedics came to my house to give me gifts and celebrate my birthday since I was such a hero. To this day, twenty years later, I still think about it. I remember the day so vividly. Not a soul knows the real truth.

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53. Rewarded For Stealing

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It seems like a good time as any to tell this story. When I was a teenager my parents were divorced yet lived within walking distance of each other. I would oftentimes walk back and forth between their homes for whatever reason. I got to know a family that lived in the house on the corner of the block my mother lived on. One day as I was passing this house I noticed a wallet on the ground. I picked up and opened the wallet. I noticed the address on the ID was the house on the corner and it was the mom of the family, a very nice lady.

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Me being a teenager, took all of the money out of the wallet (about $50) I then went back to the home and returned the wallet explaining I found it down the street. The mother was very relieved and grateful. What always weighed on me is a few weeks later I passed the corner house as I often did and the lady stopped me. She wanted to thank me for returning the wallet and handed me a $50 bill. I tried to refuse it but she insisted. I was rewarded for stealing. While it’s not a big secret it is something I always think about for some reason. I’ve never really had the heart to tell anyone this story.

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52. Rest In Peace, Feline Friend

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We had an old cat growing up named Tuna. He was 16 or 17 and had a long and happy life but was really deteriorating. My mom did not want him to put down as it was her cat and she seemed to be in denial about how decrepit and near-death this cat was.

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One day she comes home from the store and my dad calmly tells her that he found Tuna dead under a tree in the sun. She was happy he died peacefully and on his own terms. What she doesn’t know is that she actually ran him over as she was leaving for the store. She obviously didn’t feel him under the tire but my mom killed her cat and we all lied about him dying in his sleep.

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51. There Can Be Miracles, When You Believe

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I remember when I was in high school I stole a set of board markers which the eraser that they sort of clipped into as part of a set from my physics teacher, partially because no one liked him and partially because I wanted it. A couple of weeks later, mom insisted she tidy my room. Knowing I had the board maker set in my room I hid it outside in our garden.

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I completely forgot about the set until Mum found it a few weeks later still. She thanked God for the miracle because she really needed new pens (as she is a teacher) and these were perfect. She even told the story of God miraculously producing the markers on the church that Sunday. I don’t have the heart to tell her that the miracle was a lie and she profited on my theft.

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50. To Be The “Smartest” Sibling

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I have a brother. When we were young, I used to get so frustrated at all the extra attention he received and how I had to be more responsible with my sibling than my peers. So, when my brother and I would go play, go to the store, or just generally go anywhere without adults, I would abandon him somewhere unfamiliar to him. Then, I would stand off quietly and watch the anxiety set in as he tried to figure out where he was and what was going on.

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Also, I was really intelligent as a child and knew that was my ticket to attention. When I would “help” my brother with his homework, I would teach him all the wrong answers, so that I could continue being the smarter sibling. Today, my brother is my best friend. He goes to college and lives by himself. He’s become one of the most intelligent men I’ve ever met. I’m trying to make it up to him now by being the best big sister ever, but I still feel so guilty at how I found him to be a burden when I was a kid.

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49. It Was An Exotic…

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My father-in-law died of a heart attack at…*ahem* an exotic dance club. The cop told my wife and mother-in-law that it was “a bar.” They assumed it was a sports bar. My brother-in-law and I had to pick up the car from the said club. We both pledged to never tell the rest of the family. My brother-in-law didn’t have a driver’s license. I was only there as the person who could drive the car back to their home. He was ultimately responsible for death certificates, probate or any other legal proceedings after.

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It’s not my business whether or not I should have told his mother and sister anything about how his father died. However, my mother-in-law is super religious and it would have just made her sad.

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48. Popping Cherry With The Older Woman

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I popped my cherry at age 27 with a woman who was 58. She is a sweet lady who knew my mother and felt badly for me. It was a pity all the way but I didn’t care. I continued hooking up with her for another two months until she ended it because I had grown “romantically dependent” on her.

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I’m 29 now and she’s still the only woman I’ve ever been with. On the bright side, it will be easy to take this secret to the grave since I know I’m gonna die alone.

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47. Changing School Grade

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I had a sweet, wonderful student who had been in foster care but his mom worked her butt off to get him back and she did. He had to take a very important city-state exam and she called me and asked if he passed it. I looked at the grades and saw he did and said so. She burst into tears of joy and that is when I saw I had read the wrong score. He had failed. So I changed his grade to passing. No one knew. That was the only time I ever did that. That could have cost me my license.

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The weird thing is, when my awful corrupt principal pressured me to change other students’ scores so we could raise our pass rate, I refused. I never told anyone what I did for my students. He went into the military, was extremely successful there, has a great wife and kids, so I think I did the right thing. Screw those tests. They aren’t human.

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46. He Didn’t Deserve To Dodge The Bullet

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A while back, I was cheating on my wife with a coworker. It went on for months, and I never really cared for the woman I was cheating with. She was super hot though. After a while, my coworker started getting really crazy and threatening to tell my wife (whom I had a child with and another baby on the way) about everything. Obviously, I kept trying to cut things off because I realized I was making a mistake.

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She lost it one night and was freaking out and texting me saying she was going to come to my house, and then a driver under the influence hit her. She died instantly. No one knows I was having an affair, and my family even went to her funeral.

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45. The Magic Spell Worked!

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One time when I was in third grade, I got one of those Harry Potter books where you can build your own wand. I decided to follow the directions to make it “Slytherin” material thinking it would be like an evil wand. As I finished making it my brother walked into my room and it really ticked me off that he walked in without knocking and so I put a pretend curse on him with it. No big deal right? Later that night, my brother was playing outside. He was standing on the top of the slide and out of nowhere, he fell. He broke his arm trying to catch himself, and he had to be taken to the emergency room.

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So there I was, convinced that the spell I put on him worked, and that I indeed had an evil magic wand. Later that night, when everyone else was asleep, I grabbed a shovel from the garage and dug a hole in our backyard, and buried that wand. To this day I have never looked for it nor told anyone. And that is my secret.

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44. Calling 911…

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I had a neighbor that constantly left a mess in the yard and they let the kids just run around screwing up the entire neighborhood. I tried to sort it out civilly with them by asking them to stop doing things that pissed off everyone, but the only response I got was that I was racist and they would target me. I decided to respond in kind and made an anonymous tip to the cops that they were selling drugs.

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One day I come home from school, the whole neighborhood is outside on the street and the jerks’ house had cop cars and a van outside. I see the mother and father getting led out in cuffs. They searched the house and ended up finding a ton of drugs and pot. Since they had kids the hammer came down on the HARD for that and in the end, they were both arrested for dealing and the kids were taken away. I’m not sure if it was the right thing, and I will never let anyone know.

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43. Something A Mom Would Keep Forever

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My daughter turns 5 years old next week. If anyone knew the truth behind her parentage, I could probably lose her forever. I grew up in foster care and never knew my parents or siblings. In my senior year, I met an older guy, and we dated for almost a year, getting pregnant about seven months in. One night while we were watching TV, the subject somehow came around to our real parents (he had been adopted as a young child).

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Turns out the man I was seeing, the father of my daughter, is my half-brother…we have the same mother. Our relationship didn’t last, and he is not in her life, per his own choices. My daughter is extremely smart, beautiful, and well-rounded. She’ll never know the truth… her father and I made a pact to never tell her. I just hope she never needs a kidney or something.

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42. Messing With His Brother’s Girlfriend

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This secret could ruin several lives, not just mine. I was a rebellious kid and never got along with my family or anyone from my hometown, so I ran away as soon as I hit 18. Using acquaintances, I couch surfed for almost a year before coming across a business opportunity in California. I settled down and began a serious relationship with a woman named “May.” We dated for a little over three years, and they were some of the best years of my life, but after a while, she wanted more and I wanted less and we broke up. Fast forward six years and I get a call from my little brother saying he’s getting married, and despite my absence, he wanted me to be his best man. I fly home two weeks before the wedding, and that night at dinner, my brother introduced me to my old girlfriend May, his fiancée. Although it was awkward, we both ignored the fact we knew each other. My brother gets pulled away for something or another and I finally get to speak to May. We start a conversation that took us from the kitchen, out to the deck, and down the path to an old, dried-up pond at the edge of my parents’ property. It was like all the good times from the three years of dating her were consolidated into that conversation…everything just clicked. The rush of emotion was unlike anything I’ve ever felt and it was the same for May. And despite being all sorts of evil, we took off all our clothes and banged like rabbits on the old dock.

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Over the next couple of days, I went over to my brother’s apartment while he was at work. We did it all over everything…the couch, his bed, even the bathroom floor— all unprotected. A week passed and the rush of emotion subsided and I came to my senses, and although we both wanted more, we decided to stop seeing each other. The wedding went off without issue despite the best man feeling like a complete demon. I just wanted to get back on a plane to California as soon as possible. And after wishing the happy couple on their way, that’s just what I did. Now here’s where things get interesting. Five months after the wedding May calls me…she’s pregnant. She tells me that she and my brother didn’t have sex (due to irrelevant issues) from a month before the wedding to the honeymoon, three days after the wedding. The kid is mine. I’m not an expert on the reproductive system… or math… so I’m relying on what May has told me, but she seems convinced. We both decide to pretend my brother is the father. The kid’s first birthday is coming up and I still don’t know if I made the right choice but I speak with my brother often, and he seems happy… and I’m fine with that. Ignorance is bliss.

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41. The Fire Starter

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When I was younger and learning to explore myself, I would finish in a sock then wash and quickly dry it. I couldn’t leave it hanging outside or use a dryer; otherwise, my family would’ve seen it and probably smelled it or whatnot. So I’d put it inside my gas heater unit. Unfortunately, one day, my sock had caught on fire inside the unit, blew it up, and set my house on fire. Only my brother was home at that time, and he managed to survive but the house did not.

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For five years, we stayed in caravan parks whilst we waited for confirmation that it wasn’t arson, and we could receive an insurance payout. It eventually came through, and we scraped together enough money to start rebuilding the house. The house is still being rebuilt to this day and it shames me anytime I have to visit my parents living in a tiny mobile home where my backyard once was.

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40. Paid Custody

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That my dad paid my mom $1,500 for full custody of my youngest sibling. Not only would this be a massive blow to my sibling but my dad remarried quite quickly and the new wife is the very definition of an evil stepmom.

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If my sibling knew that our mom gave her up for such a small sum of money and the trade off was 5+ years of a living nightmare, she would be destroyed.

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39. The Secret Millionaire

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I won the lottery the day after my 18th birthday. I won’t state how much, but I live in a state where you claim anonymously. I haven’t told anyone and haven’t made any lifestyle changes. I do have a heck of a retirement fund and investment portfolio.

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The only reason I bring this up now is people are just starting to put the pieces together. Not sure if I will end up telling my family, but I can’t risk word getting out, as my sister has a huge mouth.

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38. Playing “Doctor” With The Cousin

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When we were kids, a female cousin and I played “doctor” around the age of 6 or 7. We talked about it a few years ago around the age of 25, and we became deeply intimate and we “made love” several times over the last few years.

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She recently got married and we have since ended our relationship. We are both normal, successful, contributing citizens— you’d never know. Hopefully, no one finds out, but I miss her and our level of intimacy.

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37. The Last Words

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When I was 17 I had an argument with my father and told him to get lost, and later that evening he ended his own life. Our argument was the last time he spoke to anyone in our family and for that, I feel a terrible amount of guilt.

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Instead of him saying goodbye and I love you to my mom and brothers, he got told to get lost before he went and ended his life. My punishment is to live the rest of my days in shame and guilt. He never left a note either.

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36. Sorry, Buddy!

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In 5th grade, I cheated on an exam. My buddy and I were the only two people in the grade who got this particular question correct, but I copied him. The worst part was he was considered “dumb” while I was at the top of the class, so the teacher was convinced that he copied from me and he ended up getting suspended.

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Long story short, I was too scared to admit that I was the one who cheated as my parents would have killed me if I failed the test and even worse if I got suspended.

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35. The Sink Pooper

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Back in high school (UK) when I was in year 7, we went on a residential trip to a place that had a lot of outdoor activities to do. Well back then I was even more awkward and weird than I am now, with the added bonus of extremely weak bowels. On one of the nights at about two in the morning, I suddenly woke up with the worst stomach ache I’ve ever felt and rushed to the communal toilets. Long story short, I didn’t make it in time and pooped myself. I was wearing underwear under my pajamas because I didn’t like getting changed in front of people and it all came out in my underwear. I sat on the toilet and finished my poop, but didn’t know what to do with the stuff in my underwear. Being the intelligent 11-year-old that I was, I decided to dump (no pun intended) it in the sink and leave a tap running to wash it down. And then I just left it there.

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The next morning two of the guys came running into our room shouting that someone had pooped in the sink, and the supervising teachers had to get a doggy bag and get it out. We shared the toilets with another school and the incident was just blamed on them when nobody owned up to it. I am the Bewerley Park Sink Pooper and I will never tell anyone.

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34. All For The Laptop

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When I was in grade 10, my dad made a deal with me. If I got an average of 88% he’d buy me a new laptop. Well, the marks came in and I only got something like an 84-85% average. Well screw that, I wanted my laptop.

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So, I went online to the regional school board’s website and downloaded a PDF template of the report card (I don’t know why they would have this available). I used a PDF editor to fill in the blanks and voila, I got a brand new laptop! No regrets. P.S. After I did this, I started selling customized fake report cards for $50 each.

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33. It Was My Fault

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When I was about 12, I went with some family to Family Dollar. My mother and cousins went off to go look at generic groceries, so I decided I would spend my time hanging out in the toy aisle where there would always be these bags of marbles that other kids would open and leave laying there. Being a kid, I decided to fling marbles across the floor and one just happened to reach one of the far off aisles. About two minutes later, I heard a loud crash and someone screams, “Somebody help this man!” Being the curious child I was, I ran over to see what the commotion was about. I found everyone gathered around this guy who seemed to have fallen from the ladder as he was getting something off the top shelf. The guy was seizing and blood was coming from his head as he laid there and his face turned blue. My mother quickly whisked me and my cousins away.

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Next time we went to Family Dollar we talked to the front cashier, and she said that they called the paramedics but by the time they got there the man had died from choking. When he had the seizure he was choking on his own tongue. The front cashier said the fall was caused when the man had put his ladder on marble and didn’t check it before he got on it. When I heard what the cashier said I stood in disbelief, thinking I was going to jail. I tried telling my mother many times but she always said that I imagined it.

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32. The Real Reason I Crashed My Car

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My first car accident back in high school was not because I swerved to miss a deer like I told my dad and the police. I actually tried to pull the emergency brake and do a 180 while going 50 mph downhill. Had I gone off the other side of the road I would have gone down a 50-foot hill and into the river. That was the last time I ever tried anything like that.

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There just so happened to be deer tracks in the mud near the ditch where I ended up. I avoided a ticket and my dad paid to fix my car. I have never told him the truth in the 15+ years since.

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31. A Sugar Baby

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Two years ago for four months, I was an escort/sugar baby. I needed the money badly, I hadn’t eaten a proper three meals for a while and couldn’t get work at all. My first week I made $2,000 for a weekend’s work. I didn’t hate it either. My main visitor was a nice enough person and though a lot older than I, he wasn’t unattractive. It felt pretty empowering at the time too— I’d just had a weird break up (in that he went to England and didn’t tell me about it until he arrived). I figured after that if people were so intent on screwing me over I may as well make okay out of the deal too.

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It stopped because my grandfather passed away and I was asked to stay with my nana for a while to keep her company– it doesn’t take long to lose contact with people. I don’t regret it. I needed the money, felt weirdly beautiful and learned some things. But my field of study will most likely put me in a Catholic or otherwise religious school setting and there aren’t many men I imagine would be okay with that sort of past.

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30. Hero For A Plug

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I took the boat out with my wife and her parents. We took a tube and a car charger air pump to inflate it. My father-in-law and I backed the boat in while my wife and mother-in-law took the boat out as we put the truck and trailer back in the lot. As we were walking down to the dock I asked if he had a “plug” to plug the air pump into. He thought I said, “did you get the plug” like to the back of the boat. He freaked out realized he left the plug out and we sprinted to the dock.

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We ended up having to swim about 60 yards out to the boat as it stalled before my wife got it back to the dock. We had to be towed back into the boat ramp. It completely ruined the family lake trip and my father-in-law beat himself up over it for a couple of days. He thought I was a hero for remembering the boat plug and my pride just can’t come to terms with telling him that isn’t actually what I asked.

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29. I Am A Cat

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My Spanish teacher went through a tough divorce during our year and was constantly phoning it in during class. One outspoken girl would always exclaim “O mi gato” instead of “Oh my God” when frustrated or excited. Well, “gato” doesn’t mean god; it means cat. She was being silly. One day, I decided to do something awesome or some crap like that. So I exclaim “Yo soy gato!” Playing off her joke. The teacher didn’t realize that I was doing this and actually thought I was calling myself a cat instead of god.

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She bursts out into this tear-inducing laughter for a solid five minutes. I was a tad embarrassed that she thought I was that dumb. but it was the first time we’ve seen her that happy all semester, so I stayed quiet and let her have her fun. She called me “gato” the rest of the year and I took it like a champ for her.

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28. Fake Identity

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I’ve been living under false identities and have been for a period of time that is over 15 years but under 25. I won’t go in-depth with specifics, but it’s due to a traumatic childhood, I had to cut ties one day with my entire life. The longest I have spent as one identity since then is about six years.

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I have a home, a marriage, and a job. Legally, this isn’t exactly secure. I’m guaranteed to one day lose everything and face serious consequences if I am found or found out. I have literally fabricated my entire life and identity. I am not who I say I am and my backstory is not the one anyone knows. At any moment, I could be revealed and that terrifies me. I didn’t expect to build a life for myself under this identity. It was never supposed to last. Now I’m stuck.

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27. He Hid The What?!

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Speaking of grave… When I was a teenager some friends and I had a couple of drinks and walked around the town cemetery. There was a whole section of generic flat grave markers from the 1800s. I found myself trying to imagine their lives in the same town I lived in, so long ago. Then I saw one plate kind of sticking up and crooked and I bent down to touch it. It wasn’t attached at all, and I lifted it up in my hand. Right then, my asinine teenage brain decided to put it in my backpack. I thought I’d somehow honor this stranger more than the crappy groundskeeper leaving it all willy-nilly in the middle of the aisle. None of my friends saw what I did.

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Cue hours later, sober, and the guilt and panic are setting in. I hid the plate in my closet for about a year before I chucked it back over the fence one day late at night. I hope Bessie Jane Holmes doesn’t mind that I kept her for a while. I still think back and shudder at the guilt of such immoral nonsense.

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26. Get Your Game On!

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I went to counseling for abuse after my parents divorced, and I was never abused so they put me in the regular room with all the people there who were waiting for their siblings. I claimed my father abused me so I could go to the special room with all the abused kids.

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It was horrible. I had no right being in that room with all those people, they all were really messed up from what their parents had done to them, and I just got in so I could play Yu Gi Oh.

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25. A Story You Can Smell

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I finished having surgery and had a post op appointment with my doctor. I had to go to the bathroom, so I figured I’d use the bathroom while in the doctor’s office. However, I forgot to poop– impossible as it seems. Well, I was driving away from the doctor’s when the bullet train hit my butt. I pulled over to the side of the highway. Having no place to go, I grab the only thing nearby– a thin empty styrofoam box from Panda Express on the passenger seat. Things were moving fast. So fast in fact that I made my first mistake: I missed the box. I went all over the driver’s seat of my car. I had been on antibiotics too so we’re not talking solid here. I am doing this acrobatic effort not to dip my butt back in the mess and I somehow open the car door. I grab my phone and pop the trunk. After slamming the car door shut (important later), I run bare to the trunk of my car to grab a change of clothes I had prayed for. Good thing I didn’t make that Goodwill run yet.

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God’s joke wasn’t quite over though. I walked back to the driver’s door to realize my keys are locked inside the car with the engine running. So now to make matters worse I have to call a tow truck to unlock my car door. Now some Hank the tow truck guy has to stare at the abomination that I left in my seat. I was mortified. And he just stared at me with such bewilderment afterwards. I hung my head and said, “It’s exactly what it seems.” I’m sure that tow truck guy had one heck of a story when he got back home. But I will never tell anyone in real life.

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24. His Hidden Paradise

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Two and a half years ago I was in dire financial straights, so I sold my home to keep my struggling business afloat. I neglected to tell the new owners that they had an 800 square foot bunker on the property that I built about seven years ago–the bunker that I’ve called home since I sold it. The entrance to it is well-hidden, but I still come and go very early/very late in the day.

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I’m a single man who keeps to himself. I’m now in a situation where I could move somewhere else, but I love this hidden paradise so much.

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23. Earning Six Figures While Doing Nothing

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I get paid a six-figure salary for a standard 40-hour a week corporate job for a massive well-known company. In a given week I do maybe an hour of actual work; the rest of the time I am on Reddit or YouTube slacking off.

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I thought when I got this job that eventually someone would figure out I don’t do anything all day but here I am 14 years later still doing absolutely nothing and getting paid a lot for it.

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22. It’s Kinda Gross, But Interesting!

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I like to peel the dead skin off the bottom of my feet (not to cause pain). I started keeping the bigger pieces in a small jar. When the jar filled up, I didn’t want to throw it out so I donated it. My skin is now in a glass jar on display at the Mutter Museum in Philadelphia.

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I sent a second jar over there too, as well as my favorite big pieces. As long as I keep filling them up, they’ll keep taking them. The jar is about one-quarter full right now.

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21. Used And Blamed

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My father burned down my childhood home for the insurance money. He took me along as his “alibi,” so I could verify he wasn’t anywhere near it when it happened. I was 13 years old. I remember crying so hard knowing my clothes, books, photos– all of it would be destroyed. I wasn’t allowed to save anything because he told me it would have been too suspicious.

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I found out years later he blamed it on me. Telling the fire chief (plus friends and family) the fire had started because I must have been secretly smoking in my bedroom. I’ve never smoked a cigarette in my life. For those asking about how he could use me as an alibi AND blame me for starting the fire at the same time–I was told to say that we were at my little brother’s t-ball game the whole time. He told everyone else that I must have been smoking in my room downstairs (where the fire was started) and that I must not have put it out correctly when we left, therefore starting the fire.

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20. He Doesn’t Deserve The Ice Cream

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I threw rocks at the school with one of my best mates and some other student taddled on us. Basically we both got the paddle (they smack your bum) and they sent a letter home to my dad. My dad received the letter and I lied to him and said I never threw the rocks.

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My dad (bless his heart) believed me and took it to our school principal and convinced him that I wouldn’t lie about such things. Since the principal wanted to rectify it for my dad’s sake, he offered me a free voucher for ice cream as an apology. It’s 15 years down the track now, and I still feel really bad for it. I feel like if I told my dad now it would break his heart.

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19. Grandpa Finally Got His “Credit”

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So my grandfather had a hand in making one of the World Series trophies back in the day. He never got any credit, but we have photos and parts from his prototype. When I was a teen I added what I knew to Wikipedia since why not (although I believe it’s gone now, but funny story, I ended but being quoted in newspapers all over the country).

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Proceed to a few years later I get a call from my mom who was almost in tears (of joy). She found that wiki page and was FREAKING out. She was so happy that he finally got “credit.” She ended up making really fancy shadow boxes of the wiki page printed out, copies of the photos and other baseball stuff. She made one for each of her siblings. I’ve had to just bite my tongue every time I go over there and see this thing hanging prominently in the living room.

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18. A Rock From The “Castle”

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I once took a week-long trip to London. My mother asked me to get her a small rock from there, because neither of us has ever been out of the country. So, I spend the whole trip looking for this rock, and finally I found the perfect one. Fantastic, she’ll love it when I get back. So I get home and I’m taking inventory of all of my souvenirs, and the rock is gone.

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I immediately think back to where I last saw it; it was on the bedside table in the hotel in London. Oh crap. So I quickly run outside and find a decent rock. I clean it off (we live in Georgia; freaking red clay is noticeable as heck) and wrap it nicely. I eventually gave it to her with the story “I got it from a castle.” It’d break her heart to know that I got it from our backyard.

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17. Pretending To Be Asleep

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When my mother was an intern, she used to work late through the night and sleep through the day. So the only time we’d ever get to talk about anything is when she’d get home. So what I used to do was lay on my bed and try to stay awake as long as I could, but it never worked because the harder I’d try, the faster I’d fall asleep. Funny thing is, sometimes she’d come home early, and I’d pretend to be asleep.

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She’d stand in the doorway looking at me and I’d just keep my eyes shut. And I knew she just wanted to find out about my day, and have a nice chat about something or other, and she’d come home early… just to talk to me. And I still wouldn’t move, I’d still pretend to just be asleep. I don’t know why I did that.

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16. It Gives Her Peace Of Mind

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Way back about eight years ago when I first started dating my now wife, she was extremely shy about her body and was very reserved because she had never been in a relationship. One night while I was over, she said she was going to go take a shower before we went out to eat. About ten minutes after she left her room to take the shower, I heard a sound from the bathroom. I got up and knocked on the door and asked if she was alright and got no answer. I waited about a minute yelling to see what was wrong and decided I had to check on her to make sure she was alright. I opened the door and she was laying on the floor of the tub passed out with the shower still running. I picked her up and carried her to the bed and grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her and tried to wake her up.

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After like 30 seconds she regained consciousness and asked if she had managed to put the towel on herself before she passed out. I lied and said she had it around her when I found her to make her feel better about it. I know it doesn’t change a whole lot given that we have been married three years now but I’ll take it to the grave if it gives her peace of mind.

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15. Teaching The Bully A Lesson

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When I was 15 I looked like a hybrid of McLoven and Napoleon Dynamite– and was bullied by this mammoth lineman at school. This kid easily weighed three times as much as me. But one day I got sick of his crap– this day also happened to be the day before our final exam in World History. While he was at wrestling practice after school, I went into his locker and stole his textbook, study guide, and notebook and took them home with me that night.

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The next morning, I got to school extra early and put all of the stolen stuff perfectly back in his locker. He rolled in that morning whining to the administration about how someone stole all his stuff, but when he walked them over to his locker and his stuff was sitting right there, he looked like a total idiot and the admins refused to help him check the cameras. Pretty sure he failed the test too. At the time, I’m pretty sure he would have beat the living crap out of me had he found out. I’ll never tell anyone, but it honestly feels good.

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14. School Is Fun, Ayt?

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Three years ago, I attended a local community college while living with my parents. Or so they thought. In reality, I hit a moment in my life where I realized I didn’t want to go to college anymore after having been forced to leave NC State University due to money falling through. I sat at home, slept all day, and played on my computer with friends into all hours of the night. When my parents actually did stay home for the day instead of working I’d go to “school.” Which was really me finding a shady parking lot to sleep in my car all day. Yes, it was massively uncomfortable since my area gets really hot in summer and really cold in winter.

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One time I even had to walk three miles in the snow, cold and wind because I had to have my mother drop me off at the school. I then hid in the backseat of my car inside a sleeping bag I put in beforehand. I couldn’t stretch my legs at all so it was super uncomfortable, but at least it was warm. Anyway, I’ve essentially betrayed the trust of my parents who are exceptionally great people. If they found out I did this I don’t know what they’d do. They think I have an associate’s degree in computer science and I don’t have the slightest inkling of the subject. I’m probably gonna die with the secret of my fake degree because I’d rather lie forever than hurt my parents with the truth.

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13. Living A Double Life

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What secret could ruin my life? I secretly take off my hijab. On social media, I wear a hijab. In front of all my parents, other families, most of my friends, I wear a hijab. Here’s my story: When I graduated two years ago I decided to look for a job, and I wasn’t able to land anything. I came up with the idea to start interviewing without wearing one, and once I got an offer I’d start wearing it again. I ended up getting two great job offers (which made me really sad that my theory of taking it off and easily finding a job was true). I took one and haven’t worn it to work at all. I don’t know what happened in the mix of things. I guess I started to like the attention men gave me and I actually felt like I belonged with my peers. It was a feeling I’ve never felt. Everyone started treating me differently, as if I was worth speaking to. I don’t get weird looks anymore; I don’t get asked weird questions.

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I’m too afraid to tell my parents about it because of disappointment and I’m even more afraid of the Muslim community finding out. Bullying and talking crap happens a lot to girls who “take it off.” I wear it to family functions, and when I’m at a place where I know I can run into someone I know. So yes, in essence, I guess I am living a double life. Say what you want, but I’m okay for now living like this. I keep changing my mind on what I permanently want to do.

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12. I’m Not As Good As They Think

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I run a cake business. I charge people hundreds for wedding cakes. Every last one is made using the Pilsbury cake mix I buy for $1 a box at Walmart. I suck at baking. Every time I’ve ever tried to make a cake from scratch it sucked. But baking is like…my whole deal. My friends all call me the cake girl. It’s like my whole life is a lie. People compliment my cakes all the time, telling me how delicious they are. Telling me they’re so much better than box mix cake. Telling me they could never bake a cake so delicious. Well, guess what? For $1, they too can make a cake just as delicious. Just add oil, eggs, and water.

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In my defense, I love cake decorating. I make all of the frostings and fondant from scratch. I just hate baking cakes! I base my prices mostly on the decoration of the cakes and not of the cake itself if that makes sense. Still…no one knows about this except my husband. Even my best friends think I slave over the oven mixing and baking these damn cakes. I have been doing this for YEARS. If anyone knew my business and reputation would be in the toilet for sure. I keep telling myself I have to learn how to make the damn cakes without the box mixes, but I never do it. I feel like such a sham sometimes.

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11. That’s A Lot Of Cash, Man!

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I worked for a shipping company at a customer desk. A guy I had known came in to ship a package. He was a known drug dealer in my town. He didn’t recognize me. The package was wrapped in duct tape. I took the package, brought it out back and made it disappear into my backpack.

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After my shift, I opened the package and found $37,890 in cash. I never went back to the job and never heard anything about it. I left Texas a month later with cash in hand.

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10. A Treacherous Act

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When I was 8 years old I stole money from my best friend. My friend was from a rich family and she was very, very spoiled. She would brag about the saved money that she had in a little safe in her room. Meanwhile, my family had lots of financial issues; my mother was a single mom with three kids and things were tough. I could see how stressed my mom was from not being able to make ends meet.

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So one day I was at my friend’s house; she had to go to the dentist but didn’t want me to come with so I was told to wait there. And I took it. Not all of it, maybe a third of it; I think it was about 500 dollars. Then I put it in my mom’s wallet, a little at a time. I don’t think she ever noticed, and I never told anyone. I feel terrible about it.

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9. I Was Responsible For It

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When I was a kid we lived in the country and didn’t have trash pickup service. We burned our garbage in a steel bin in the backyard or hauled it to the dump. As a ten-year-old, it was my duty to take out the trash and ensure that it was safely burned up. To speed up the process I would typically sneak a can of gasoline out of the garage and douse the barrel before igniting it. It was Mother’s Day when I did my little chore ritual, but after I poured the fuel on, I noticed it had pooled up on some plastic. When I tossed the lighted match the fuel vapors exploded and blew the fuel on my shoulder.

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After about 20 seconds of a stop-drop-and roll, I finally extinguished the flame. I spent the next two hours screaming in pain while my mother got me to medical treatment. I didn’t tell her about the gasoline. She believed it was an oil that she had discarded that had exploded or “popped” and she still feels responsible for the pain I went through.

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8. My Baby Wasn’t An Accident

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I had a baby with “seed” donated from a man who advertised on Craigslist. If my very religious family found out it wasn’t an “accident” I would be completely shunned and disowned. I’m an ugly woman. NO, that’s not the secret. But… I AM ugly because I have a facial deformity that I was born with. I’ve never had a long-term partner and I’ve only been intimate a few times in my life. My biological clock was ticking LOUDLY and I desperately wanted a child–there wasn’t going to be enough time to meet someone and my odds were none existent as a middle-aged, ugly woman. I own my home, have a career–but I didn’t want to lose all my savings to pay to have it done through a clinic and sperm donation, etc. It would have been at least $15K per try. My chances of adopting were also almost nonexistent as any woman looking to adopt her baby out isn’t going to pick the ugly, middle-aged lady to adopt their baby, plus that is crazy freaking expensive too. I wanted the money I had in savings to go toward raising the child. So I turned to Craigslist and got it for free.

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My child is a preschooler now and I’ve never been happier or more fulfilled! I pinch myself every day because my child is in my life and I feel so crazy lucky. Every day is a dream come true and I savor each and every moment. I try to be the best mom I can be in every way. Parenting really makes you take a long, hard look at yourself and how you show up in the world. I parent from my heart. I regularly send pictures and updates to the generous and selfless man who trusted me on a handshake.

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7. It’s Not The Same Guitar

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My father bought me a beautiful Fender Stratocaster for my 15th birthday. It was unique and gorgeous. I sold it to a guitar shop when I was 20 because I needed the cash. I never had the heart to tell him.

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I even found one exactly like it almost 10 years later, after I had become financially stable. I bought it in an instant. He still thinks I have the guitar he got me for my birthday. I still don’t have the heart to tell him.

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6. You’re Welcome, Boss!

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About six or seven years ago I created a video together with my former boss. He was really passionate about it. After we put it up on YouTube, I commented “Awesome!” with my private account from home.

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The next day, he was really excited about this comment. He didn’t know it was me and I’m going to keep it a secret. It is the only comment this video ever got (at least the last time I saw it).

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5. He’s A Bed Lover

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So, I don’t really know how to start this off, but…I’m attracted to beds. It started somewhere during my early high school years, when I was really starting to discover myself. There was something about beds, the fact that when you go to sleep at night, you’re always with them. Their purpose is to make you feel comfortable at night, when you’re at your most vulnerable.

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Anyway, I modified my twin bed towards the end of high school, essentially tearing the fabric, shoving some pillows in the side, and make a little hole that I could insert myself into. I’ve always known that the behavior is odd, but I can’t help myself. Nowadays, I live with my girlfriend. I don’t have that twin bed anymore, but anytime we do it, it has to be on a bed. If it’s not, I can’t go through with it. Needless to say, if this got out, it’d truly be bad for me.

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4. Just Considering It As A Gift To Her

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I used to work for the airport and so got very discounted fares for friends and family. My mom was going on a trip with her friend to Key West and they were gonna drive since flying was too expensive. I talked her into letting me handle the flying arrangements and they’d save a ton. A typical $500+ flight turned into like $250 for both of them combined.

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Well, I was still kinda new at booking reservations and whatnot, and I ended up screwing up the reservation. I think I only booked it for one way or something. So the night before their flight, I rebooked it, and paid the $450 for the both of them (money I really didn’t have) and have since never told my mom. It was for Mother’s Day, so I figured that was my gift to her. It’s been nearly 10 years since.

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3. A Potential Father

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There is a super high possibility that I have a child. A girl I was with, who turned out to be emotionally manipulative, lied about being on birth control.

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The times line up almost too perfectly and the kid looks kind of like me. Since then she has been married and her and her husband seem happy together so I’ve never worried about it.

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2. A Secret That Would Lead To Divorce

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My cousin hooked up with a dancer during his bachelor party. Hours earlier, we had randomly run into his fiancee and her friends and she made a huge deal about him hitting a dance bar (specifically because of this). He comes out of the champagne room and told me “I think I just did it.” Only three people know this. Me, him, the dancer. So I’m never going to tell her and I’m never going to bring it up to him ever. He’s actually a good guy that unintentionally did a bad thing. He thought he was going to get a lap dance but she veered him left to the champagne room. Granted, he could have walked out at any moment but drinking was also at play.

He felt guilty afterwards and we were 16 hours away from the wedding ceremony. I wasn’t going to make him feel guilty about it and ruin the wedding for them both. I think there’s definitely a difference between having an affair and getting duped into doing something stupid for 30 seconds.

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1. The One That Got Away

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This secret is a bad one. When I was 15 and incredibly lonely one summer I decided to make an OkCupid account. (For those of you who don’t know that’s a dating website for people 18+). I looked probably about 17 at the time but I guess I could pass for 18. So I said I was 18 on my account. I got a lot of responses from guys instantly. There was this one that stood out to me; his name was James. He was a 22-year-old college student, but 15-year-old me thought he was the most intelligent and beautiful person I’d ever met. We talked for three months and then he turned 23. Now the age gap was eight years. After those three summer months of staying up all night, we decided to meet up in person. It was Labor Day weekend when we met up. He picked me up from a gas station and drove me to his house (we lived three hours away and I told him that my car didn’t work but really I only had my permit and no car). I honestly think I fell in love with him and we hit it off completely. He was really attractive and different from guys my age. The guys my age would make fun of how I looked because they were insecure themselves and tease me a lot when they were interested in me, which just confused me. But James would compliment me and joke with me but never made me feel insecure.

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I really loved him, but when the relationship progressed he was talking about having sex. But after I turned 16 I realized that he was a 23-year-old man who could get in a lot of trouble if he were to sleep with me. I never told him my age because I knew he’d be disgusted with himself so I just cut all ties with him all day. I figured it was selfish to keep him around. He needed somebody who could be 100% honest with him. So in March I basically blocked him on all social media and my phone (he didn’t know where I lived) and I never saw or spoke to him again. It’s been two years but I sometimes stalk his Facebook. He’s actually engaged now and graduated college. I’m so happy that everything is going well for him. I’m only 18 now but I hope one day I’ll find a guy who is as great as James.

Marijean Grace

Marijean Grace

Spreading some good positive vibes!

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