One of the main duties of parents is to be embarrassing, but some take this responsibility to the next level.
Some parents, for example, fight about their divorce at their child’s prom, pop their teenage sons’ pimples in front of cute girls, and call all the neighborhood moms to let them know their son was growing pubic hair.
Read about these cringe-worthy stories and more below!
50. “Let Me See Or I’ll Crawl!”
My mother insisted on seeing exactly what I bought for clothes to make sure they weren’t too baggy until I went away to college. When I was 17, we were buying jeans at the Gap, and when I wouldn’t basically do a fashion show for her for every pair of pants I tried on, she crawled her 58-year-old self under the door of the dressing room where I was trying them on.
I’m a guy, and the dressing room had a line out the door. Everybody saw. Everybody heard. Also, “All of your jeans are in the laundry. Just wear a pair of mine!”
49. Yup, Raincoats Won’t Save Your Life
When I was 5-years-old or so, my pre-kindergarten class did a play based on Noah’s Ark (our school was attached to a church). We were instructed that our costumes were supposed to consist of raincoats, rain boots, and umbrellas. I didn’t have any of those things but I begged my dad to get me at least one of them so I’d fit in with the guidelines.
Fast-forward to the night of the play. I’m frantically scanning the audience because my dad is ALWAYS late. He finally shows up and brings me a life jacket. I had to stand up there with all the kids in their little raincoats while I was in a life jacket. I was really embarrassed. My dad’s defense was that I was the only kid who would have survived the flood. I can laugh now, but I sure wasn’t laughing then.
48. And That Is Why I Never Had A Girlfriend
When I was in seventh grade, I went to a youth conference with my church. All students got a free T-shirt and people were signing each other’s name on them. This one girl signed mine, dotting the “i” with a heart. She also left her number.
When I got home, my mom was doing my laundry and found the shirt. She called the number and told the girl I needed to focus on my education and didn’t have time for girls.
47. The Poop In A Cool Whip Tub
I have aggressive Crohn’s that started showing up around 8th grade. My mom took me to all of my doctor appointments, which were all pretty embarrassing because no teenage boy wants their mom involved in their butt related illness. One particular visit, we were about halfway through the appointment when she whipped out a Cool Whip tub.
Turns out, the following night I used the bathroom and it didn’t all go down, so she thought it would be helpful to load that up in our poor people Tupperware and haul it on into the doctor, so he could look it over. He had a confused “What am I supposed to do with poop in a Cool Whip tub” face for a good 5-10 seconds, then politely dismissed it. Who’d have thought that there isn’t any medical knowledge to be gained from fishing poop out of the toilet, refrigerating it overnight, and schlepping it up for an office visit?
46. Happy Birthday Opera Style
It was my 16th birthday and my family went to a fancy Italian restaurant. The staff came over to sing “Happy Birthday” to me and my dad started singing along loudly in a bad Italian opera accent (we are not Italian).
The staff was so stunned they just stopped singing. The other customers around us laughed and applauded. I was mortified.
45. I Can’t Even Imagine…
My mom used to fart and burp whenever we were in public and blame it on me. She mostly would do it at stores when we were in a particular aisle. She thinks it is the funniest thing ever. I don’t have an issue with these particular bodily functions, but I definitely don’t think that strangers or other people need to be subjected to them.
One time we were leaving a target, and I think I was probably 13 or 14, and there was a group of really hot guys behind us. My mom decided this was the absolute perfect time to let a horrendous silent but deadly fart just rip. It hit my nostrils and there was instant gagging. My mom looks straight at me with this dead stare and said, “Candice, how could you let such a foul fart go in public?” My face dropped, and I turned beet red. You could hear the group of hot guys behind us commenting just how bad it smelled and how gross. They rushed past to get out of the store. I was mortified and my mom could not stop laughing. She thought it was the funniest thing. I am now 29, I still remember this vividly, and she still at 50-years-old will do this to me in public.
44. Sad Boys 2: The Unexpected Hospital Visit
My dad, influenced partly by Bad Boys 2, decided to mess with my boyfriend on my first date by acting like a tough guy. He filled a whiskey bottle with tea, and when he answered the door he chugged the whole thing while staring my boyfriend down. Then, tried to break the bottle over his own head.
The date was canceled due to the hospital trip, and I became known as the girl with the insane father. “Don’t concuss yourself this time” became the running joke once I was able to get a date again.
43. Never Again!
On my 10th birthday, my school held a McDonald’s fundraiser. Everyone was there. My sister worked at McDonald’s at the time and got me a special cake. Life was peaking when all of a sudden, my mom dropped the cake straight onto the ground with everyone from my class watching.
Not only is 10-year-old me devastated, but my mom then proceeded to start scooping cake off the floor onto plates and insisting that people still eat it. My mom isn’t allowed to carry cakes anymore.
42. It’s The Best Time To Pop Pimple, Right, Mom?
I was 13-years-old, waiting for a ride with my sister and parents at Dollywood. Across the way, two very pretty girls about my age were smiling at me. I smiled back and acted all cool because I was a skater boy with skater hair and some shirt with a skull on it or something. The girls whispered to each other, giggled and even waved at me.
Then, my mom reached her hand and popped a pimple on my face, right there public. The girls were aghast. I was humiliated. I have never forgiven her.
41. A Little MOMster
When I was in high school, I was a pretty poor student. I walked out on my journalism final (I hadn’t studied) and took my girlfriend to the mall on the north side of town, about 20 minutes away. My teacher called my mother because she knew she would sort this out. My mother drove all the way up to the mall and went into every store screaming out my Christian name.
When she finally found me, she took her shoe off and walloped the heck out of me in front of my girlfriend. My mother is 4’11” and I’m a 6-foot-tall lineman. I was crying in front of everyone in that mall. I took my education a little more seriously after that.
40. Lice Alert!
I came home from school one day with head lice. Instead of telling the teacher, who would have probably notified the parents in a letter without specifically naming me, my mother rang every person in my class. She told all the parents: “Yeah, she has head lice, so you need to check your kid.”
I probably got it from someone else in my class, but the kids were calling me dirty, saying I infected them. It was horrible. I was crying hysterically while she called people.
39. Bro, Your Dad Is A Legend
When I was a senior in high school I had left the lights on in my truck all day and had to call my dad to come to jump-start my car. Now my father is 6’1″ and has a very large belly. The dude rolls up in cloth shorts and no shirt to jump-start my car.
Then there was the time a few years earlier that my mother had sent him up to the school to give me a sandwich before a football game. The man’s boxers were longer than his shorts.
38. “My Baby Where Are You?! Come To Mommy!”
When we split up in a store, I can hear my mom her yelling my name from across the store. I’ve asked her 100 times to use her cell phone or look for me instead, but she never does.
I never hear anyone else’s names being yelled out! It happens so much that I’ve stopped going out with her. I love her, but she just doesn’t understand how embarrassing it is for me when she yells out my name like that.
37. Pajama Day Gone Wrong!
When I was in second grade, we had a pajama day at school. At home, I always just wore my boxers to sleep, so I didn’t really have any pajamas. Obviously, I couldn’t show up at school in just my underwear, but I was too little to understand that. My mom allowed me to go to school like that and even drove me there. I have no idea why she thought it would be okay.
It was the most embarrassing day of my life, and the school had to call my parents to come to pick me up halfway through the day.
36. An Angel With A Fake Bust
When I was 8 (yes, 8 years old) I was OBSESSED with the new Charlie’s Angels movie with Cameron Diaz, Lucy Liu, and Drew Barrymore. There’s a scene in the movie where Drew is dressed in a patriotic jumpsuit at NASCAR racetrack and I really wanted to have that outfit for my Halloween costume. My mom is a costumer and, God bless her, made my costume from scratch to resemble Drew’s jumpsuit.
Well, as you can probably imagine, an 8-year-old girl does not have the cleavage to fill that jumpsuit out. So my mother decided to add MASSIVE fake boobs to this costume. I was mortified and for some reason, she would not take them out. So for Halloween that year, I had my arms crossed all of trick or treating. I still look back at the pictures from that year with deep anxiety.
35. “Holding Hands Would Lead To Pregnancy”
When I was 16 years old, I was secretly dating a boy for about a week. We were in a small-town mall so there weren’t a lot of people. We were holding hands, just strolling around. Suddenly, I saw my dad in the distance. He saw me. His eyes were wide open, crazy and furious. I’m was so scared that I automatically flung my hand away from my boyfriend’s.
At the top of my dad’s lungs, he yelled, “KRIS!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!” and just started booking it towards me. Everyone was staring. He grabbed my arm tightly and just dragged me out of the mall without letting me say goodbye to my friends. On the entire car ride home, he yelled at me, saying that holding hands would lead to pregnancy. It was traumatizing. We broke up. I didn’t date anyone again until I was 19 years old. Sigh.
34. Calling My Ex’s Name On Purpose
I broke up with a guy at the beginning of my senior year of high school. We had been dating for a few months. I started seeing a new guy a few weeks after that and whenever he came to pick me up, my dad and his friends would call him my ex’s name (on purpose). The new guy was friends with my ex so it made him really uncomfortable. He broke up with me after a couple of times of it happening. He said my family was too intense for him. At the time, I was incredibly embarrassed, especially because I had had a crush on the new guy for some time.
To be clear, though they’re definitely jerks, my dad’s friends are like uncles to me and they were just messing around. Honestly, I’m glad that guy broke up with me over it because they are a big part of my dad’s life and I wouldn’t change that. My husband is the only guy that I’ve been with that gives them back as much heck as they throw at him.
A long time ago, my dad was a policeman in one of the British forces. He wasn’t some heavy flatfoot, but rather the taser-wielding, fast car-chase type of policeman. One morning, he was on patrol in a big Land Rover, with ALL the toys of that era: a multi-band radio broadcast unit, tannoys, and, best of all, a rear programmable LED board (so he could type messages to the car behind him). Thinking, at the age of 15 years old, that it would be awesome to get a ride to school in one, I readily accept his offer to get a lift (which he wasn’t supposed to do, but who cares). It was all smiles as he pulled into the car park. I watched my peers and enemies gape their jaws at such a majestic vehicle. I jumped out, then passed off a blasé, “Cheers Dad.”
Five seconds later, there were sirens and a high-pitched squeal; I turned to look at the departing van, and saw on the LED board “DADDY LOVES YOU TOO. XOXO.” You simply cannot imagine what I put up with at school for the next three years.
32. Mom On A Rampage
Once in high school, I snuck out to go to a party. My mom randomly wanted to talk to me at midnight, so she came to my room and found out I was missing. She went on a rampage (she goes to bed very early so this was unheard of). She drove to my girlfriend’s house and woke up her entire family to find out neither of us was there.
She eventually got the address of the party from my girlfriend’s brother. He gave it just so she would go away. She came to the party and yelled at me in front of everyone, screaming and shaming. There were also parents there permitting high schoolers to drink. She yelled at them too. She’s a lovely woman normally, but that night, she was a lot to handle.
31. The Worst Part? She Denied It
My mom made me call my eighth-grade social studies teacher at home to ask if I could use him as a job reference. He still lived with his parents and I made the mistake of asking for him by his first name.
He waited for me at my locker the next day to tell me never to phone his house again or call him by his first name. I didn’t get the job either. My mom denies this ever happened and claims she would never demand I do something so strange.
30. Mommy’s So Proud That He’s “Becoming A Man”
Calling all the neighborhood moms one day when my younger brother noticed I was growing hair down there at 12 years old. My mother made it a point of conversation to let all 10 moms know I was “becoming a man,” and the calls went on for about an hour and a half, because apparently puberty is that stimulating a conversation for the neighborhood.
I ended up with a lot of “Such a little man!” comments from the neighborhood and a couple of dads pulling me aside and letting me know that “No one needed to know,” as if I had something to do with it. Ugh.
29. Fun At The Funeral
When I was in middle school, I went to a funeral for one of my grandparents on my dad’s side. When we got there, one of his old friends was with his daughter, who I thought was really hot. She was around my age too, so it was perfect. I immediately thought, “Holy crap, she’s hot.” I guess my dad knew I fancied her because the next thing I knew, he mentioned out loud, right next to her, that I thought she was gorgeous.
Realizing what just happened, he said, “Oops, I think I embarrassed him.” I forced myself to laugh it off and the girl did too. Needless to say, I was extremely mad at him, and I still am to this day. What the heck dad.
28. A Not-So-Happy Birthday Surprise
My mom showed up to my job at Subway during the lunch rush on my birthday with some balloons and got the whole place to sing “Happy Birthday” to me. The restaurant was full, and I had no way to escape.
The worst part is, a few people got out their phones and started recording it. My face of embarrassment is somewhere out there on the internet.
27. An Epic Dropoff At School
My dad worked as a school bus mechanic. He turned one of the short buses that were no longer in operation into a huge tow truck for the other buses. He took out all of the seats and replaced them with toolboxes and other things needed. He did keep one seat (right behind the driver) for when someone needed to ride along. He also painted the bus black and free-handed some huge flames along the side.
In eighth grade, I needed my dad to come home from work so that he could give me a ride to school. I had to carry a bunch of things for a project; otherwise, I would have just walked. Of course, he came home in the black, flaming short bus. To make it worse, when we got to the school, he pulled into the freaking bus lane with all of the other buses doing their morning drop-offs. Everyone stopped what they were doing to see who would get off this crazy short bus with only one seat on it. I was completely mortified until I got off and all of the boys were asking how I got such a sweet ride to school. I was actually very popular after that, so it ended up that my dad earned me some cool points.
26. And The Most Overprotective Parents Award Goes To…
I moved from Texas to Connecticut in my kindergarten year of elementary school. My parents thought it would be a good idea to follow my bus ride home from school in their car with Texas plates. Halfway through the ride home, the bus driver pulled over.
To my horror, the bus driver had called the police on my parents. I had to walk off the bus and get in the car with them while everyone watched. It was a terrible first day on the bus for me.
25. A Dirty Family Announcement
My stepmom decided that all my underwear were too stained. So rather than replace the old, falling apart underwear I’d had for years, she decided to get the whole family involved. The reason? Because I clearly hadn’t been cleaning myself properly after using the bathroom. And I mean the whole family. Her mother, her sister, my sisters, and my dad all met me in the living room when I came home from school one day, and they basically had an intervention about how I’m supposed to wipe my crotch after I pee to make sure my white cotton underwear stayed white for five-plus years. Yeah, no. I was 12, and like John Mulaney said, when you’re 12 you’re like, “No one looks at me or I’ll kill myself!!” I was crying so hard I couldn’t breathe; my sisters were snickering, my dad was yelling, and several pairs of my “dirty” underwear were just sitting out on the coffee table in the living room for all to see. I was beyond mortified. I can’t even begin to describe the shame and embarrassment.
After that, I basically gave myself friction burns with toilet paper every time I peed to make sure I got everything and I still got in trouble for the color of my underwear. It was normal discharge and old underwear. Anyone with a lady bits could have told you that, you witch, but no, you just wanted to embarrass your stepdaughter because you hadn’t done it in a while.
24. It Literally Gives Him Hell
My mom came with me to an out of state college visit my senior year of high school. They put us all on a minibus to take us to the cafeteria for lunch. They had the school’s radio station playing. The song “Gives you Hell” by The All American Rejects came on.
While the bus was moving, she jumped out of her seat, ran up to the driver and LOUDLY told him to turn the radio off because the song contained profanities and there were young and impressionable people on the bus. We were 17. It was so embarrassing and my teenage anxiety was out of control– that was the main reason why I decided not to go to that school. That was 10 years ago and I still cringe when I think of it.
23. The Best Halloween Costumes
A friend’s mom made her wear these food-themed Halloween costumes every year and she just reveled in it. The year I was a ballerina, my best friend was a grapevine, complete with gigantic purple balloons poking out of every crevice of her costume and her face painted purple. Another year, she was a milk jug…
Oh yeah, did I mention the broccoli costume? Now I wish I would’ve joined her instead of being a boring princess or whatever. Her mom is my hero.
22. In Tighty Whiteys
Towards the end of high school, my parents’ house was “the house” that my friends and I would hang out at because my parents were pretty laid back. Unfortunately, there were instances when we had girls over partying in the basement and one time, we got a little too loud. My dad would come down to tell us to be quiet in only his tighty whiteys.
Usually, he would come around the corner and just stand there staring at us for a while, then awkwardly say, “Don’t wake me up again.”
21. Dad, Did You Forget That I’m A Girl?
When I was younger and did Little League soccer, my dad was the coach. He tried to make everyone play every position for a little bit each game. It was my turn to be the goalie and he had this big bright shirt we had to put on over our jerseys when we were goalies. I go out with the big shirt on and play for a bit and then my dad calls time out to switch some of us out. For whatever reason, my dad thought I needed help taking off the goalie shirt and came over and pulled it over my head, but he accidentally grabbed my jersey underneath it and also pulled it off. It should be noted that I was an early bloomer in the boob department. I was wearing a C-cup bra by the time I was 10. So my dad took off my shirt in front of a field full of classmates and parents, leaving me in just my bra. And the worst part was, he didn’t notice and started to walk away.
My dad is also a little hard of hearing so even though my mom and I on the sideline were calling to him to turn around, he didn’t notice until he was about 15 feet away. Then he came back, handed me my jersey and let me go sit out with my mom. I will never forget how devastatingly quiet the field got when it happened, and I remember throwing my arms over my chest to cover myself as much as I could, and the first person I made eye contact with was a boy in the class below me and I remember thinking, “Oh no, there are boys here.” I can laugh about now, but it was devastating at the time.
20. Thanks, Dad!
It was about 20 years ago, and I was 19 and had to get a root canal done to put a fake tooth in. I do not do well with these kinds of things, but doctors and dentists never believe me, so when they started working on me and I started vomiting, passed out and began convulsing on the floor, it was a surprise to everyone but my father and I. So, I wake up to the two hottest dental hygienists I’ve ever met (which, for whatever reason, is common for dental hygienists) cleaning up my vomit and wiping it off me.
I lay on the ground a bit to collect myself, and after a bit, we go to check out, pay the bill, and schedule the time of the surgery to put me under a general and get it done. We’re making the appointment and paying the bill with one of the dental hygienists while the other is doing some paperwork, and my dad starts asking them if they’re single and telling them how I am, etc.–basically trying to get me a date with the two gorgeous girls that just cleaned my vomit off of me and the floor. In the parking lot, his rationalization was, “If they saw you like that and still agreed to date you, you’re in my boy.” Thanks, Dad.
19. Lost And Found
I was in 4th grade and my mom bought me a sweet jean jacket (hey it was the 80s). I wore it to school and then, like a kid does, I forgot it at school. My mom kept telling me to look for it, or else she would come down to the school herself. I assumed this was a bluff because she had an eight-kid daycare. No way would she load them all up and come down to the school. Welp, fast forward a week. My mom, (who by the way was in her early 40s, so everyone asked if it was my grandma or why my mom was so old) storms into my 4th grade classroom with eight daycare kids in tow. She begins yelling at the class about “the little brat that stole my son’s jacket and they’d better return it” or else she would call the police. I wanted to die right there at my desk.
After she left, everyone at school seemed to feel sorrier for me than anything, and the teacher ended up digging through the coat closet and found it buried under all the other lost and found items. I never did wear that jacket again though, and all the way through high school, people would bring it up.
18. Dad Did The Answering
I don’t remember exactly when this was. I was trying to get a summer job, which means I was probably in high school, but I couldn’t drive yet. So my dad was driving me around a couple of places to drop off resumes. The first place we stop into, he comes in with me. I end up basically following him to the cash register or wherever I was dropping off my resume. Then, before I have a chance to introduce myself and give the person my resume, my dad introduces me and explains that for me. I stand there awkwardly smiling and holding my resume as my dad tells this guy how I’m looking for a job and would probably make a good employee and all sorts of things that are immediately invalidated by how I look like a kid who’s too afraid to go into a store and speak to someone alone. I thought about nudging him and telling him to stop talking but figured that would also look bad.
Luckily, as we drove to the next place, he commented, “Maybe you should go into the next one on your own,” and I said something like, “Yeah, maybe I should.” He means well.
17. A Memorable Prom Night, Indeed!
My mother took the divorce papers to my school prom because she wanted my dad to sign them, and she knew he’d be there to see me. I was so excited that they both agreed to come out. BUT he didn’t want to sign because they were haggling over money. They had a big yelling match and both left (separately). One of them was meant to be my ride home but neither remembered.
I should note that they’re not usually trashy. They’re solidly middle-class peeps who didn’t usually put a foot wrong. Going through the divorce brought out the worst in them both, understandably. Just unfortunate for me that they decided to have this traumatic break in public in front of all of my peers. They both showed up politely to both of my younger sibling’s proms, took family photos together, etc. Nooooobody else got the embarrassing scene, just me.
16. Everyone! Everyone!
When I was 24 years old, I was away on an internship while talking to a guy back home. When I got home and we finally met, I took him to my mom’s school so she could say hi (I have no idea why I thought this was a fun idea). She told me, “Oh, no one is there; it’s the last day of school so there aren’t many people. Come up.”
When we got to her classroom, I opened the door and it was packed. She saw me and yelled, “Everyone! Everyone! This is my daughter. And this is my daughter’s special friend.” I melted into the floor.
15. Moms Really Can’t Understand Friendly Jokes
In fifth grade, a girl I was friends with would always joke around with me. One day, my mom was picking me up from school, and the girl and I were walking together. She said, “See you tomorrow, dumbo!” (I had big ears as a kid). My mom heard her say that and didn’t have any of it. She stormed over and started yelling at her.
She said things like, “Don’t ever talk to my kid like that again! How would you like it if kids made fun of the freckles on your face?” She started bawling. I was so embarrassed my mom was yelling at this innocent little girl in front of dozens of kids. We left and I didn’t talk to my mom at all on our way home. Mom, I love you, but that was mean.
14. “Show Me Your Teeth!”
My mom is obsessive about house cleaning and hygiene. She has a three-hour daily personal hygiene and grooming routine, and woe be to those that interrupt it. I naturally have an off-white color to my teeth more so than others. Dentists have confirmed this as I’ve never had a cavity. However, growing up, this bothered my mother, and my teeth brushing was always under scrutiny.
When I was 15 and being picked up by school friends, she took that moment to check my teeth before I left, as in physically opening my mouth and sticking her fingers in. I batted her away and quickly left. My friends looked at me in a “what the heck?” sort of way. When I returned home, I told mom that she wasn’t checking my teeth again, and doing that in front of my friends was embarrassing. She never has checked my teeth again. I know my lack of fluffy coiffed hair and minimal makeup drives her up a wall. Whatever. I’m in my 40s. I do what I like.
13. “You’re Not Depressed; You’re Possessed”
Oh god. This was only like six years ago. I’m a 30-year-old woman, for context. I’ve had severe depression and anxiety for quite a long time, probably due to my messed up childhood. I was having a really bad day, like bad to the point where I could not stop crying and was throwing things around because I just couldn’t even. My husband (boyfriend at the time) didn’t know what to do for me because he has zero experience with mental health issues. Lucky man, right? So, at the time, we rented one half of a duplex and my mom was in the other half. Because my husband had no idea how to help, he decided to go next door and get my mom. She’s Mom, she should be able to help, right? Wrong. This woman comes storming into my house screaming about how I’m possessed by Satan and attempts to freaking exorcize me, chanting “The power of Christ compels you, Satan be gone” over and over again, all while being three inches away from my face. Now, my anxiety presents as anger. That’s just how it shows itself.
So, I’m already pretty pissed off by the time she’s walked in my door. Now she’s screaming in my face that I’m possessed by some imaginary entity, and she’s so sanctimonious about the whole thing that I just screamed at her to get the heck out of my house. She left with a “God will make it go away,” and my poor husband was just standing there with his jaw on the floor. What a freaking joke.
12. The Most Illegal U-Turn Possible
My family and I lived on a military base when I was young. The same military guy was always at the gate of the complex. I thought he was very handsome and kind. One day, I told my mom after going through that I wanted to give him my apple, so she made the most illegal u-turn possible to go back through the gate.
She told him that I had a present for him. It was the most mortifying thing to me as a shy kid. I slumped low in my seat so he could only see my big forehead and I slowly gave him the apple. He thanked me and my childish brain told me to hiss at him. Looking back, I may have embarrassed myself more than my mother did.
11. Worst Year Book Picture Ever!
My mom sent in pictures of me in my awkward middle school phase for the “baby pictures” section of the senior yearbook. EVERYONE else had pictures from when they were five years old, whereas mine were from when I just looked generally awkward and terrible. To this day, I have no idea what the heck she was thinking.
The worst part is that I moved to a new town in my junior year, so the people I graduated with never would have known about my awkward middle school phase if it weren’t for that yearbook. Everyone will surely keep that yearbook and look back on it for the rest of their lives. I burned mine.
10. My Dad Is A Big Red Dinosaur
My elementary school used to have Sports Day once a year. It was a whole day of outdoor games and sports activities — always a super fun time. Parents usually volunteered to run the stations or hand out water and snacks. One year, my dad decided to borrow the mascot costume from the university he worked at, which was a big red dinosaur, and come to Sports Day in it.
I was so embarrassed that I refused to be seen with him all day. Looking back, I feel a bit bad about it and think that was actually a super fun thing for him to do.
9. Ended Up Not Getting The Job
My mom has an illogical paranoia about certain topics, and identify theft is a big one. When this story takes place, I was 16. She had refused to let me learn my own social security number because she was convinced I’d just hand it out to anybody who asked without a second thought. I was ready to get my first summer job and had gotten a call back from the Walgreens my buddy worked at for an interview. I was a bit nervous and spent some time online reading about preparing for a job interview. From what I had read, it seemed like I may need to know my social security number, but my mother still insisted that nobody would need that until I was actually hired, and I’d fill out that paperwork on my first day.
So I go in for my interview, and it goes great. The manager wants me to start right away. He gives me the new hire paperwork to fill out, so he can get it in before the next pay period, so I don’t have to wait an extra two weeks for my first check. Obviously this needed an SSN. I excuse myself and call my mom to get my SSN. After a five minute argument that ended with me having to shout at her, she finally relented. Turns out, the manager could hear the conversion. He apologized because he said I seemed like I’d be a great employee, but he was worried about my mother interfering with my availability and was going to call back his second choice since they were a little older.
8. When It’s Your First Period And Mom Isn’t Home
My mom had been out of state to finish her degree, so it was just me, my dad and brothers. This is around the age when I would start getting my period, so my mom called asking my dad to take me to get some pads and stuff for when it does happen. Now, I don’t know if guys just don’t pay attention to that kind of stuff, but I figured my dad would know what to do since they had been married for more than 10 years. Apparently not. We get to the store and he brings me to the feminine section, stops, and just stands there. Now, since I had never had my period, I had no clue what to do or how to pick anything out. He just sort of waited for me to pick something as he gestured towards the shelf. I told him I had no clue what to look for, and it was obvious he didn’t either. So instead of calling my mom or just waiting until she got home, he goes up the pharmacist and asks, “What product should I get for my daughter’s period?” I’m mortified at this point, because being that young, a period was still something embarrassing to me. I was fine when it was just me and my dad, but now there is a line behind us listening in as well. The pharmacist looks at me confused and asked if he meant medication for cramps and stuff. Both me and my dad don’t know how to answer this, so we just stare blankly at her. She tries to clarify and ask what we are specifically looking for. She then brings an assistant over to see if he can try to understand.
So at this point, my dad is trying to explain to the people at the pharmacy what he is asking help for, a line of people are behind us listening in and looking impatient, and I’m wishing my mom would have just waited until she got back because this is going to kill me. Eventually, the pharmacy says they can’t help with picking me out any products since I’ve never had my period and don’t know my “flow.” My dad and I go back to standing in the feminine aisle before a lady who can see our distress comes over and helps us. We just pick out some random thing and left. And at that point, I was too embarrassed to care about walking about with the pads of a full view of everyone in the store.
7. Relax Ma’am, He’s My Father
When I was in third grade, I took a field trip with my class to the art museum. Parents were apparently welcome, and my father met up with me right as we came off the bus. It should be noted my dad is a handyman by trade and artist by hobby, so dresses in a perfectly disheveled mix of both.
As he reached out to give me a hug, my female teacher charged up to him yelling, “Don’t you touch her!” I had to explain to her and my entire class that this man was not a creep, but my father. I was mortified but my mom still loves the story.
6. Mom Wants Peace, Not War
I served in the army during the Vietnam War. My mother wrote to the president to tell him he needed to resolve the conflict because his policies were putting me at risk.
The letter was actually passed down the chain of command to my company commander who called me into his office for a “chat.” He asked if I thought that there might be better things for the entire army to focus on instead of reassuring my mom that I was well. Embarrassing.
5. A Super “Caring” Mom
My mom really got into reading the health department’s restaurant inspection blog when I was in middle school. I forget the exact details, but a group I was in won an award or something and our treat was that our teachers were going to take us out for breakfast somewhere.
They chose a restaurant, and my mom wouldn’t let me go because the restaurant had failed its last inspection. In retrospect, I’m glad my mom cared a lot about what I ate, but I was mortified.
4. This Is Why You Shouldn’t Share Anything
My mom and I are really close, like best friends close. So I made the mistake of telling her that I had my “down south” pierced. She seemed to think it was a great idea to tell all my siblings, family friends, and even my granddad.
I’m not sure if she did it out of anger or if she just really thought it’d be funny to embarrass me like that. Yup, I screwed up.
3. Then Walked By My Crush…
I was starting Little League in the fall and my mom took me to good old Walmart to get a jock strap so I could protect the boys. I’m like, 12-years-old. We were staring at the selection for like, five minutes. I grabbed a medium and headed over to my mom. “They don’t have this in a small? Come on.” She started running through the store, shouting and yelling, “Excuse me! Do you people have this in a small?! A SMALL!” Everyone was staring.
Then I walked by my crush, Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean, not really but they looked just alike. It was the worst moment of my 12-year-old life.
2. You Are My Sunshine, My Only Sunshine
My grandparents had a big wedding-style reception for their 50th wedding anniversary. They both had big families, most of whom were local, so there were a lot of people. At some point, my mom decided it would be cute if my younger brother and I sang the song “You Are My Sunshine,” which was my grandparents’ favorite song.
Now, if you’ve ever listened to the song, you undoubtedly know the chorus. The problem is that there are verses as well, and I don’t know anybody who actually knows the verses. Keep in mind that this was pre-internet and way before anyone had smartphones, so I couldn’t simply do a Google search and learn the words. I could have gone to the local library to try to look them up if my mom hadn’t sprung it on us when we were already at the venue. Despite my protesting, the four of us were made to go up and “sing” the song. We made it through the first chorus just fine. Then the verse started, and the four of us just looked at our feet and mumbled. That was pretty embarrassing.
1. The Big Guy And The Little Guy
They named me “Guy” and my father would always introduce me as “Little Guy.” He’d say, “This is my son, Guy. You know, like, I’m the Big Guy and he’s the Little Guy.”
He relentlessly shamed me in that manner to pretty much any adult he knew or just met. I think he named me that, just for the joke value. I like my name, but I hated the shame.