Revenge is a dish best served cold and no one knows it better than the people in our stories. They’ve been wronged in some of the most unimaginable ways and managed to get payback by their own doing or the universe’s. From cleaning toilets with toothbrushes to messing with people’s laptops, they’ve done it all in the name of revenge. If you’d like a few tips on what to do to those who’ve wronged you, keep reading.
54. Pleasure In Cleaning The Toilet
My boyfriend of nearly ten years cheated on me. I moved out but went back ten days later to collect the rest of my things while he was at work. I realized he’d already moved his new woman in as her stuff was all over my house, her clothes on my wardrobe, etc.
What I did was, I cleaned the toilet with their toothbrushes and then put them back in the cup for them to use that evening.
53. A Not-So-Sweet Kiss
When I was in the 7th grade, the startup my dad was part of was failing miserably in no small part due to a crazy CEO.
While at his house, my dad observed the CEO’s toddler daughter picking up a piece of dog poop and licking it. He picked her up and told her to give her dad a kiss.
52. A Thousand Bucks Later, He Still Has No Idea
My brother constantly does things he knows are going to piss me off for no other reason than personal satisfaction, so I decided to change the audio balance on his computer (it can lower the volume on one earphone and raise it on the other).
In the span of five weeks, he went through six different pairs of headphones until he eventually had to go and get a new computer. Almost a thousand bucks later and he still has no idea what the problem was or who caused it.
51. Sending Private Videos to His Mom
My ex was sleeping with women he met on an online dating site. He filmed it and posted the videos on the Internet. When made mistakes in the stories he was telling me to cover up what he was doing, I was able to find these videos and photos of him.
I saved everything I could, found him on several other websites, and presented it to him. He tried denying everything, despite timestamps on the videos and photos. I gave him ultimatums, demanded the truth and when he continued to lie, I sent it all to his mother.
50. Pepper-Sprayed and Mayonnaise
This story is about one of my exes, who I remained friends with long after we broke up. She pepper-sprayed some guy’s junk because she found out he cheating on her.
Apparently, the only way he could cool it off was by sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise. This is some useful information for anyone whose junk is ignited by pepper-spray in the future.
49. Turning His Prank On Him
When I was about 14, there was this kid on the school bus who was about a year older than me and used to pick on me a lot. He was an arrogant idiot. One time, he came and sat next to me and tried to pull the old “Hey, did you know if your hand is bigger than your face, then you have cancer?”
I wasn’t falling for it, so he put his hand against his own face in order to try and show me what to do. What did I do? I turned his own prank against him and smacked his hand into his face. His nose started bleeding quite badly. God that felt good.
48. Dog Food Cookies, Anyone?
I used to buy small treat bags of gourmet cookies from a local bakery a few years ago. I would eat maybe one a day, but they were a treat for me. Well, my husband and our friends would just help themselves. I would buy the bag of cookies for me, and they’d be gone.
So, I bagged up a bunch of dog treats from the local pet food store that looked very, very close to cookies for people. I placed them where all the guys could see them and waited. Yep, they tried them and asked if they were a bad batch or maybe the bakery missed an ingredient or two in the dough. I waited until they tried to eat more than three each then told them they were dog treats. They never touched my cookies again.
47. A Kid’s Genius
Being the youngest brother, I would only get hand-me-downs. My older brother rubbed it in my face that he got a brand new pair of PF Flyers after Sand Lot came out.
Every day, I would stuff the toe of the shoes with tissue paper, adding a little more each day till he thought he outgrew them. I got slightly worn PF Flyers after about a month.
46. The Secret to His Smelly Feet
My older brother (who was in high school and a foot and a half taller at that time) threw me into the ceiling and let me drop to the floor.
So for the next year or so, I would wait until he would leave the house, and go into his closet and pee in his shoes. I didn’t tell him for around 20 years, but when I did, he said, “You little bastard, I could never figure out why my feet always smelled so bad.”
45. The Ghost Pepper Sandwich Trap
This happened a while back, in study hall during the 8th grade. I always brought two small sandwiches to school so I could have one at lunch and one in the study hall since our teacher let us eat in that class. One day, as I was about to eat my sandwich, I get up to use the bathroom. As I walk back into the classroom, I see the kid in front of me eating my sandwich. I was pretty annoyed but nothing serious at this point, so I confront him politely and he denies it completely. I left my sandwich on my desk the next day just to make sure it was him, and what do you know, it is.
So on the third day, I hatched a plan. I put habanero cheese on my sandwich and then doused it all in ghost pepper sauce EVERYWHERE, but luckily it didn’t smell spicy. I get to study hall and my plan works flawlessly. I leave my trap sandwich on my desk and get up to use the restroom. This time, I take as long as I can and end up wandering the halls of the school. I did this because my study hall teacher was specific about the hall pass and only one person was allowed to leave the class at a time, even for water. After about ten minutes, I come back into the class to be greeted by the sandwich thief crying hysterically with a bright red face waiting for the hall pass. He was in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
44. Climbed Up, It’ll Be Worth It
When I was 10 or 11, my younger brother was being a jerk to me. That afternoon, I climbed onto a big tree and told him I found something interesting- I don’t recall what it was. So he climbed the tree, it was 15m (50 ft) or so.
After I was sure he was high enough, I started peeing down on him. It wasn’t a good move, I know. He and my parents were furious and my mom made me wash his hair. But I was secretly very satisfied.
43. Candy-Popping Eyes
My older sister was one of my biggest bullies. One day, we got back from buying candy, and as we were walking she was being so mean and saying nasty things; I actually lost my mind and threw the open pack of pop rocks into her face.
The moisture of her eyes started making the candy pop. Crying made it worse, but the icing on the cake was when she tried to flush it out with the garden hose, creating (what I imagine, based on her screams) the most painful experience with popping candy ever.
42. Free Tools
My dad had an old truck parked on the back of our property that some people kept stealing small parts from (cap, rotor, points, etc.). We wired it to an electric fence power supply.
One evening, we heard a bunch of yelling and swearing and went back there; someone had been shocked by the trap and the guy left us some free tools.
41. Clean It Or Still Deal With It
My roommate would cook elaborate meals and leave all of the mess in the kitchen. We talked to him about it several times, but his basic response was, “Screw you. I’m not cleaning it so deal with it.”
So my other roommate and I took everything out of the sink, and I mean everything–filthy pots and pans, dirty dishes, nasty washrags that he’d ruined, and even the bits of rotting food that the jerk had left in the drain and we put it all under the covers on his bed. He actually laughed when he saw it, surprisingly. The best part was that he got the point and started cleaning up after himself after that.
40. Throwing the Penny Was More Satisfying
I used to deliver pizza for Domino’s. It was my last shift and there was this house that was always rude (I called to asked what the house looked like and they said, ‘I gave you the address’ and hung up), never tipped, etc. I got to their house and they gave me a check for one cent less than what the total was. I said, “I am going to need the extra penny.”
They grumbled and took their time, hoping I would give up, but I just sat there holding the pizza. They finally came back all pissed off and gave me the penny. Note that they had no intention of tipping. They gave me the penny and I chucked it out into the street and left. They saw me do it. It was so SATISFYING.
39. Her Bath Supplies
My sister used to beat me up, steal my birthday money, call me names in front of my friends and girls I liked. When mom went shopping for Christmas, my sister would tell her to buy me these horrible clothes to make me look the part.
She was just awful to me. So every time I had to pee in the shower, I’d pee in her shampoo and body wash, all over her razor, on her body sponge – and just about everything I could point my wiener at.
38. Copycat Payback
During my freshman year of high school, I was in a biology class that was made up of mostly juniors. This one guy, who sat next to me, would always be a jerk to me during class. I always did well on the tests so he would always look over and copy the answers from my scantron. I’m pretty sure he didn’t realize that I knew he was cheating off of me.
One day, I got fed up with this guy messing with me and cheating off of me. So, the next test came around and sure enough, he started copying my answers. I finished the test and so did he, so he got up, turned his test in and came back to his seat. I looked him in the eyes and proceeded to erase my entire scantron. I then retook the test, this time marking the correct answers. The look of panic in his eyes was so satisfying. He ended up getting a 2% on that test and never cheated off me again.
37. A Kid’s Payback
When my younger brother was about three, my father had to look after him for the day. The plan was that he, after asking his boss, would take my brother to work for the day. My father, however, didn’t want a toddler distracting him all day, so he left him in the car with the radio on and a carton of apple juice. (This is Britain, so it wouldn’t overheat, but either way, it’s not right). At the end of the day, dad returned to his car to drive home, expecting a sleeping toddler who wouldn’t tell his mother a thing.
Instead, upon his return, he found his son jumping up and down on the front seats to the radio on full blast, naked and laughing, slipping around and covered in poop. He had soiled himself, removed his nappy and got fecal matter EVERYWHERE. It was smeared all over the driver’s seat, the windscreen, the steering wheel, the navigation system, the driver’s window – even hand printed on the ceiling. Our dad didn’t even know that toddlers could produce such an icky mess. The only car seat that was completely untouched was his own.
36. Adding One Item on The Rude Customer’s Bill
Back in the early 90s, supermarket cashiers had to type every price in by hand. I was at a Vons in San Diego, walking toward the only open check stand with a single bottle of soda in my hand. Suddenly, this hoity-toity lady with a cart stacked to the top flew out of one of the aisles like a freight train and cut me off. “I’m in a hurry,” she said, then looked away like she was annoyed that I’d been born.
I looked at the cashier, he rolled his eyes and got to work. Five minutes later, she was walking out the door and it was my turn. The cashier said, “You’re good. I put your soda on her bill.” Damn, that felt good.
35. Pee-Framing My Brother
When I was a kid, I had a bed wetting problem. I am not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problem. At that time, however, this was humiliating. My younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued. So I decided to level the playing field. The whole ‘hand in a bucket of warm water’ deal didn’t work. I stood over him as he slept one night and I peed on him.
The next morning, my mom was horrified and wound up taking a call from my grandmother. “I don’t know what to do, now BOTH of them are peeing the bed,” she explained, clearly frustrated. After a few more times of ‘framing’ my brother as a bed wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
34. Every Kids’ Nightmare
My so-called ‘best friend’ in primary school stole my shiny Pokemon cards. I was only 6 or so at the time, but that didn’t stop me from being a sadistic little first grader, and having my older brothers, well, let’s just say I knew how things worked.
Guess who found out the truth about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Power Rangers all at once? Don’t mess with 6-year-old me.
33. “Screw This Place. I’m Rich!”
I work for a construction company and we do remodeling on homes. We have a rule here that we get to keep anything we find hidden behind the walls (these houses are bought at auctions – people don’t live here, so everything is owned by the construction company). We hired this guy (we really needed a worker badly) who was a total jerk from day one. This guy would always make fun of my clothes and my accent and one day he went too far by telling my boss about my private Instagram account pics. He got on my phone and looked through my Instagram page and showed my boss pictures of me smoking (little did he know that my boss is my friend from 8 years when we used to smoke together before we both quit). I was so mad that he violated my privacy that I decided to get back at him. He was the kind of guy who would always come in late and complain that trains or traffic was why he was always late.
One day, I overheard him saying that if he won the lottery, he would quit this job for not getting the ‘respect’ he deserves (you have to earn your respect here). So, I bought some fake gold coins online and I put them in a metal box I found at the antique store and waited for a chance to hide it in a wall. Luckily, I did not have to wait long. The day he found the coins, it seemed like it was his best day ever. The first thing he did when he opened the box? He called my boss a total loser and he quit immediately, on the spot. He said, “Screw this place. I’m rich!” Little did he know that it was the best day of my life. After he quit, my boss told us that he was going to fire him anyways for always showing up late. I wish I could see the look on his face when he found out the gold coins are fake. Best $40 I spent in my life.
32. You Threw It, You Find It
Once, in first grade, I took off my shoe because I had a rock in it. For no reason, other than this kid was a huge bully, the class jerk stole it and took off running. I chased after him and he eventually threw my shoe down a hill into a field of tall grass and just looked at me with a huge grin.
In a badass stone cold first-grade timbre, I say: “Go find it,” and shove him down the hill into the grass after it. He started crying and we ran to the teacher. After explaining what happened, she made him go into the field and find my shoe. He crawled through the grass for about an hour before it finally turned up.
31. The Pumpkin Prank
I have a friend whose pumpkin/fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk every single year. My friend decided to put a stop to it.
He withdrew money from his savings account to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of concrete mix. Then, he filled that puppy up and made a really pretty display. The jerk broke the axle of his car when he hit that pumpkin, and he couldn’t drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.
30. More Like Pure Karma
About four years ago, I found out my husband of ten years was messing around with a girl he went to high school with (according to him, they never dated because she was dating multiple people at once and he wasn’t into that). At this time, I was a full-time student and he was financially supporting us and our toddler. When I found out, I flipped, understandably. He called me a psycho and decided he wanted to leave me for her. So I quit school for a year, worked two jobs, paid for the divorce and supported our child by myself. I ended up supporting myself through school, graduating with honors, landing my dream job and generally kicking ass on my own.
He, on the other hand, has been cheated on several times, lives in a crappy trailer park with his loose girlfriend and generally is a loser. Technically not messed up revenge, just very very sweet. I now work for an amazing catering company and am a personal chef on the side. I love what I do, my kid is a rockstar and I am doing better than I thought I would!
29. Spoiler Alert
My friend – I’ll call her Kate – works at a place that’s a kind of weird combination of a restaurant and movie theater. One day, while she was dealing with tickets, a woman cut in line and demanded to see ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’ Kate politely informed her that she would need to wait her turn, which of course resulted in the woman shrieking and arguing with her. In any case, eventually she decided she was going in, but Kate was in the doorway. So this woman thought it would be reasonable to aggressively shove Kate into a wall before storming in.
Kate told her boss, and he lost it. He called security. Kate went with them to point the woman out. As they escorted the woman out, Kate looked her in the eyes and said, “Han dies.” The woman cried.
28. A Pie with Special Ingredients
When I was working at a restaurant, we started noticing small food items disappearing from the walk-in cooler. I’m talking a piece of bread here or a slice of pie there. This went on for months even though we had regular meetings asking for the culprit to stop. Finally, the head chef hatched a plan. We had a key lime pie that was a fan favorite, and it upset the chef when customers couldn’t have a slice because the walk-in bandit had their way with it.
This time, he whipped up a nice batch of wasabi mousse and made an extra special pie. The bandit walked into the cooler under the guise of grabbing a case of beer for the bar and promptly crammed the whole slice into their mouth at once. We found out who it was when they ran out of the cooler screaming at the top of their lungs. We never really had a problem after that.
27. The Truth Will Always Prevail
One time when I worked in a small video store as an assistant manager. There was this one customer who was being a real dipstick to the point where I got fed up with his behavior and threw him out. He had been rude to every single other employee in the store, including our boss. Anyway, I saw him at a little strip mall nearby one time, and he was bragging to some guys about how he was cheating on his worker’s compensation.
Then, he pulls out this wad of cash and waves it under their noses like a Japanese fan. “I got all this free money from lying about my injured hand!” What a loser. If you go into the blue pages of the phone book, you’ll find this listing in all cap letters that says; ‘Workers Compensation Fraud Hotline.’ Take a wild guess what video stores keep in their records? Full name, home address, and phone number. Not only did I turn this guy in, but I was also able to provide great detail as to exactly how he was faking his injury as he explained it to his two friends.
26. Every Cheater Deserves This
When I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me with multiple women, I had my pregnant roommate pee on a test and then dropped it off at his front door. With no note, no way to know who it came from. He found out I was in the ER (I have some chronic health issues), but he thought it was just because I was pregnant.
Apparently, he started hounding the doctors for tests, and when I told him I wasn’t pregnant, he ‘disappeared’ from my life. According to his friend, he couldn’t contact any of the other women he’d slept with, so as far as I know, he still thinks he’s got a kid out there somewhere.
25. The Sweet Smell of Popcorn
I had a boss seven or eight years ago who I hated. She was the fakest and most entitled person I had ever met. One day, she decided that she didn’t like the smell of microwave popcorn, so she waved her magic office wand and had it banned.
Fast-forward a month or so, I was browsing Amazon and found one of those USB sticks that emits a smell when plugged in — the smell of buttered popcorn. I bought it and plugged it into the back of her computer, and she had the sweet smell of PopSecret in her office for six whole months. She complained almost every day. It’s the sweetest revenge I’ve ever tasted.
24. Fake Ads for His Cheap Client
My friend did some work for a guy who never paid him. My friend is so petty, he placed fake for-sale ads with too-good-to-be-true deals, like a nice boat for $1,000, with the guy’s number.
On top of that, our city is big on garage sales, so he posted ads like, ‘Moving out sale, everything must go, cheap! Will be held inside the house — just walk in or ring the doorbell,’ with the guy’s address on the ad. He also signed him up for numerous ‘free gym memberships’ and responded to things like car dealership ads with this guy’s phone number.
23. Sometimes, The Best Revenge is Living Better
I guess it’s not really an act of revenge because I didn’t inflict this fate on this person, but this ex-popular girl who bullied me in middle and high school for having a scoliosis brace, came into the credit union where I work to get help for her debts that she couldn’t afford to pay back. She was overweight, dressed like a brat, and financially, absolutely screwed.
I straightened my suit, took her into my office, and helped her with consolidation loans. I could tell she wanted me to say something about our past, but I didn’t. Sometimes the best vengeance really is living better, and showing those people who hurt you that they are just a passing blow.
22. The Embarrassing Mail
In college (early 1990’s), I lived with several guys in a suite. Once liked to call me ‘Chunky A.’ Yes, I was chubby (I still am, but I have lost a lot of weight and I am still losing more). I asked him politely but firmly not to call me that. He laughed and did it more.
I proceeded to call up every infomercial I saw on TV to send him baldness cures (he was losing his hair); he also received tourist information from places like Iowa and Nebraska, information was sent to him about adult bed wetting, etc. He accused me of it, and I told him why I would do such a thing to him? I kept it up for two years while he lived in the dorms. In his junior year, he moved out to an off-campus place. I found out where he lived and I waited a couple of months and started it all over again. Yup, I bombarded him with junk mail.
21. A Double Victory
My mom used to hate it when my brother and I wrote in the steam on the bathroom mirror after a hot shower or bath. One day, I wrote, ‘Jamie is cool,’ to stitch up my little brother.
Sure enough, he got told off. The victory was mine. But it got better. In an attempt at retribution, he then wrote, ‘Ian is cool,’ in the mirror. He got told off again. It’s still my greatest victory.
20. Watching the Bully Go Down in Flames in Court
A few months out of college, I got a job working in the courts. Not long after I started, I was perusing the docket and saw the name of a kid who made my life a living hell in middle school – turns out he’d been caught selling illegal substances out of his basement.
In my job, I only deal with victim-oriented crimes, but I didn’t have any hearings for the next hour, so I decided to sit in. I was standing at the prosecution table, chatting when he came in to be sentenced. I turned around, caught him eyeing me and simply said, “Hey Mike, how you been?” He didn’t say anything. He just lowered his gaze to the table, looking dejected. As the judge took his place on the bench, I walked back to the gallery and watched my former tormentor get sentenced to two years in the state pen. There’s a saying that the greatest revenge is to live well. I came to truly appreciate its wisdom that day.
19. Pick it Up
I was at the post office one day when an elderly lady in front of me asked for a single stamp. Obviously considering this a waste of her time, the woman behind the counter made a snorting noise, ripped off a stamp and flicked it across the counter where it landed on the floor. She didn’t apologize or offer the lady another stamp.
The old lady considered something for a second, picked up the stamp and left 50 cents on the floor in its place. She said a cheery, “Thank you!” and walked out; the woman behind the counter had to walk around to pick up the money.
18. The Double Whammy
I found out that a guy I was dating was cheating on his girlfriend with me. She was an acquaintance of mine (friend of a friend of a friend), so I emailed her about it. She said she’d been suspecting that he was cheating and was super fed up with him.
We agreed to meet up at a cafe and she invited him saying she had a surprise. I will never forget the look on his face when he saw us. He knew he was in trouble. It was awesome.
17. Taking It All, And then Some
My ex-wife was cheating on me and threw me and the kids out. We had to move six hours away and when I drove back to get mine and the kids’ stuff, I caught her and her new boyfriend.
She had sworn there was no one else. I told her that when they left for work, I was taking everything in the house, and I did, right down to the broom and vacuum cleaner, which made it hard to clean the cigarette ash stains out of the carpet and all the broken glass off of the linoleum. Also, I peed in the milk.
16. The Monster Under My Desk
There was this kid who picked on me since the 1st grade. One day in 4th grade, the teacher had her back turned, so he climbed under my table and started pulling faces at me. It must have been a knee jerk reaction, but his face was there and my foot was here, so I kicked him. In the face. The kid fell to ground shrieking while clutching his head. The teacher turned around, saw him out of his desk and gave him detention.
Later that day, his face had swollen to the size of a volleyball and he had stopped crying long enough to tell the teacher what had happened. My teacher asked me if it was true and I said I felt something tugging on my shoe, so I kicked, thinking it was caught on something. The teacher gave me a lollipop, saying be aware of my surroundings next time. The kid never bothered me again.
15. Poison for You
I’m immune to poison ivy, so I was always uprooting it in our yard (about a full acre) and I’d leave it on this concrete area behind our garage. Anyway, I frequently walked down to a fishing pond across this canal in my neighborhood; I didn’t always have a functioning bike and the walk was only about a mile. A kid, probably 2-3 years older than me, was a real jerk. He’d do stuff like ride by me on his bike and act like he was gonna high-five me, but then slap my face and ride off, laughing.
Anyway, one day he did that, and I went back home, upset. I got my water gun and was gonna shoot him if he messed with me again. Then I saw the poison ivy and got an evil idea. Into the bucket it went, with some water- I stirred it all up good, then dumped that into my toy. I went back to the pond. On the way back home, he came around messing with me again. I hosed him down and he broke my toy, but man it was worth it. From what I hear, he didn’t go back to school for almost two weeks.
14. The Burial
Some lady with no insurance and a suspended driver’s license hit my car, causing nearly $5000 in damages. It ended up being her mother’s car and she said she gave her daughter no permission to drive it. This basically got her off the hook and since she’s piss poor, she couldn’t pay for the damages and suing her wouldn’t really do much.
Weeks went by as I plotted my revenge; she was still driving the car around despite everything that happened. One night, I drove to their house and saw the car sitting on the side of the road. So I hooked it up and towed it back to my place and buried it in my backyard.
13. Dating the Ex’s Roommate
My last girlfriend cheated on me, and she and her roommate at that time had gotten to that point in their lease where they weren’t super fond of each other and kept some distance. Her roommate was smoking hot, kind of bratty sometimes, and wasn’t fond of my ex, so I decided to make a move on her.
And it was the best move ever. The look on my ex’s face when her roommate walked me to the door in her underwear after the first night was priceless. We proceeded to have hot, dirty, loud fun almost nightly for the next eight weeks until their lease was up and for a while after that. My ex even walked in on us in the living room once. There’s no way I felt bad about it.
12. The Smell in the Vents
When I was a kid, there was a point in time that our entire house smelled like urine. Nothing could get rid of the smell. My mom is a neat freak who wanted everything clean and smelling nice at all times. Eventually, when we were about to move out, my sister admitted whenever my mom would make her mad, she’d go pee in the vent; there was so much pee in our air vents that we had to get them professionally cleaned. My mom was so horrified that she didn’t even punish her for it.
I would like to add that when I asked her, “Didn’t the smell bother you too?,”I remember her saying “Yes, but whenever it did, I would just think about how much more it’s bothering mommy because she doesn’t know where it’s coming from, and I do.” She was five years old at the time.
11. Tire Trouble
I was 12, at a racecourse for horses and was kicking a ball around on the opposite side of where the horses currently were, with my brother. A horse trainer came over and told us to stop and he kicked me in the butt.
Three years later, I was at the races again and saw him leaving his jeep. I put a pen in one of his tires. Screw him, the curly-headed, wrinkly toad!
10. Chocolatey Skittles
My brother once stole my bag of Skittles and didn’t admit to it. So I bought a bag and opened it carefully so that I could reseal it.
I took every Skittle, except the green apple, out and replaced them with M&Ms. The look on his face was priceless. For clarification, there were M&Ms and green Skittles in the bag. And he ate by the handful. So, no, it would not be delicious.
9. Removing All the Labels
My brother did something to his annoy his then-girlfriend, so she took the labels off all his canned food in the cupboard.
Expecting a can of pineapple? BAM! You get chunky ocean-wise tuna in organic olive oil instead. It was pretty hilarious. This is the perfect petty revenge that won’t actually make someone cry, but it will be a huge inconvenience.
8. Wrong Mug for Picky Wifey
My wife is very picky about the mugs she has for different hot drinks: Tall mugs for coffee, wide mugs for tea, dainty cups for fruit teas.
When she’s being irritating and asks for a cuppa, she gets very plain boring builder’s mugs and I delight at the mild irritation it brings.
7. A Senior Discount for the Rude Customers
When I was a waitress, if a middle-aged woman was ever rude to me (they almost always were), I’d happily offer them a senior discount, 65 and above only.
It felt so good to see their eyes bulge out of their sockets and their mouths drop open in shock. I usually walked away with the biggest smile on my face.
6. The Sandwich with No Love
I make my husband a sandwich every day for work. Once, I jokingly kissed it to show him that I made it ‘with love.’ But for some reason, it stuck, and that just became the habit. Make a sandwich, give it a little smooch, put into a baggie.
Except when I’m mad at him. Then that sandwich isn’t made with love. It gets no kiss. Yeah, enjoy that sandwich, jerkface. I hope it tastes like despair.
5. Revenge Is Satisfying, No Matter the Size
This guy keeps giving out my phone number as his own. I don’t know if it’s malicious or an honest accident, but it drives me crazy. At least once a day I get a phone call asking for ‘Dave,’ and they usually get upset when I tell them they have the wrong number.
The other day, I get a phone call asking for Dave, and I tell them that I am Dave. Apparently, Dave had a to go order he placed at Boston Pizza, but they had run out of dry ribs. The lady offered to substitute either calamari or steak skewers. I picked calamari since it was the most different from dry ribs. I realize it’s a really small act of revenge, but it was really satisfying. I really wish I could have been there when he picked up his order.
4. Stop Messing With Monica
When I was seven, the Monica Lewinsky scandal happened, and my name happens to be Monica. You can imagine what a bunch of immature kids liked to call me. One girl, who was several years older than me, whom I never talked to before, kept picking on me and calling me Monica Lewinsky. I asked her to stop, and she didn’t. Keep in mind that this girl was pretty big compared to me.
One day, she was playing on this jungle gym in the shape of a fire engine and was trying to balance, so I took advantage of her vulnerability and started tickling her. When I noticed she didn’t like being tickled and was losing her balance, I continued to tickle, which was probably my innocent way of being violent. The girl eventually lost her balance, fell down, and broke her leg. When I saw her later on in a cast with crutches, she looked at me with this apologetic expression and never called me Monica Lewinsky again. She was afraid of me, a little seven-year-old girl.
3. Wrong Timing, Dude!
My (ex) boyfriend wanted to see a sold-out Foo Fighters show this summer. He and his friends failed desperately in getting their hands on any tickets. I, however, managed to snag two. I waited until Christmas to give them to him and he was beyond excited, like jumping up and down excited. Fast forward one and a half crappy months later and he dumps me two days before Valentine’s Day after (literally) ignoring me for three weeks. The entire breakup blindsided me after one and a half years together.
I haven’t talked to him since, but little does he know that I wasn’t quite finished with him yet. My brother just so happens to be a huge Foo Fighters fan as well. I logged into my Ticketmaster account and surprise! The tickets can be transferred! So my brother is going to have the time of his life while my ex-boyfriend gets turned around at doors.
2. Teasing In Reverse
My brother had been teasing me all day about something I can’t remember. And so, it began. I started when he was out with his friends at a basketball game. I pushed everything in his room to the other side, except, if the item in question had stuff on top of it (his dresser has pictures on it).
This went on for about three weeks until he had a mental breakdown. Now I just do it on a minor scale, like taking the bread of his sandwich off of his plate and setting it on the other side of the table.
1. The Pettiest Revenge
Some jerk at a bar told me that he hated smooth adult-contemporary rock. I had no idea why he chose to tell me, of all people, that bit of information.
So, I went to the jukebox and played, ‘Free-Falling’ and ‘Last Dance with Mary Jane’ for an hour. I literally got “Petty” revenge.