Revenge is a dish best served cold and no one has served in better than the people in these stories. They have righted wrongs done to them in some of the craziest and most hilarious ways that we’ve ever read about and we’re going to share them all today with you. They’ve driven their vehicles in people’s house, deliberately failed exams in group projects, literally pooped on people, thrown dead animals on the unsuspecting and more. If you’d like to have a good laugh while getting some revenge inspiration, keep reading.
40. A Stinky Situation
We had a guy in our office take a crap in the bathroom every day after lunch and it would stink up the whole office. The manager asked everyone who needed to vacate their bowels to please use the lobby bathroom since our office was small and we only had one bathroom.
He didn’t listen. Fortunately, he was like clockwork, so five minutes before he went in, I took all the toilet paper…that’s right. I forced the man to live with a dirty butt.
39. Covered In Crap
I worked as a mechanic at Pep Boys several years ago. The service manager was a complete idiot who regularly cost me money because he would give all of the good jobs to mechanics that he liked better. While I worked there, some of us discovered that if the drainage pipe in the shop were pressurized, the toilet would shoot water out of the bowl.
The day that I quit, I waited until he went into the bathroom to take a dump. I filled up a Cheetah (a device used to seat a tire onto a wheel) and released about 200 psi all at once into the drainage pipe. The toiled spewed water and poop everywhere! The manager screamed, and then came storming out of the bathroom COVERED in his own feces.
38. A Peppery Revenge
This happened a while back, in study hall when I was in 8th grade, to be exact. I always brought two small sandwiches to school so I could have one at lunch and one in the study hall since our teacher let us eat in that class. One day as I was about to eat my sandwich, I get up to use the bathroom. As I walk back in the classroom, I see the kid in front of me eating my sandwich. I was pretty annoyed, but I confronted him politely and he denied it completely. I left my sandwich on my desk the next day just to make sure it was him, and what do you know, it was.
So, on the third day, I hatched a plan. I put habanero cheese on my sandwich and then doused it all in ghost pepper sauce. I put it everywhere, but luckily, it didn’t smell spicy. I get to study hall and my plan works flawlessly. I leave my trap sandwich on my desk and get up to use the restroom. This time I take as long as I can and end up wandering the halls of the school. I did this because my study hall teacher was anal about the hall pass, and only one person was allowed to leave the class at a time, even for water. After about ten minutes I come back into the class to be greeted by the sandwich thief crying hysterically with a bright red face waiting for the hall pass. He was in the bathroom for the rest of the day.
37. Escort, Anyone?
I had a landlord that I didn’t much care for. Where our previous landlord had been super laid-back and friendly, this new guy was condescending and as OCD as could be, and made a habit of just walking into our apartment uninvited (which is illegal) to yell at us to clean up. No matter how clean we kept the place.
So, one night I called an escort service to his apartment. I asked for a brunette but got two homely looking blondes instead, which was even better! I was watching from the roof of the adjacent building, with a bottle of cheap bourbon. They knocked on the door and my landlord’s fiance answered, and an argument broke out, and it was glorious.
36. Evening Up the Score
This girl and I are both applying to the same college but she has a lower GPA than I do. Because she’s evil, she decided to go to the Dean of Students and report me for cheating on my ethics midterm (ironic). I went through an ordeal because cheating is a serious accusation and I faced suspension just because I had been accused, even without proof. I didn’t cheat, just for clarification. Later, in the student lounge, a friend overheard this girl say that she made up the cheating thing to “ruin my college chances” because I was facing expulsion and at the least would have a suspension for cheating on my record.
I, of course, told my friend and other people who had heard this to go to the dean. Long story short, I was cleared of all “charges,” and the girl wasn’t penalized at all. When it came time for finals, I made a quizlet with just slightly incorrect information for a history exam. I made a fake quizlet account, so it wasn’t associated with me and then sent it to a friend who then sent it to the girl. When we got our grades back, she burst into tears because she bombed the final which was 25% of our grade. Revenge is sweet.
35. Mic Check
I worked in an office with this idiot who used to make noises on conference calls with his headset mic. It was extremely annoying. So one day I borrowed it and used the mic to clean the bottom of the urinal in the men’s bathroom.
From then on when he sucked on it to make his annoying sounds, several of us on the call were amused rather than annoyed.
34. Catching Cheaters
I’m a professor. Many years ago, I had a small cluster of students in one course that I strongly suspected was cheating; scattered evidence suggested that they had knowledge of my test content ahead of time. I don’t let my students keep their test copies, and I re-write my tests every semester, so this was puzzling. I determined that the most likely way they were cheating was during the photocopying process, so I set out to test that possibility first. When the next test in the course was getting close, I left the previous semester’s version of the test in the photocopy room as bait. I then rewrote the new version of the test, keeping page 1 the same to avoid raising suspicions on test day but otherwise completely revising the questions. I made the new copies on another department’s copier the morning of the test.
Sure enough, when I graded the test I found that my cheaters all had perfect scores on page 1, but then bombed all subsequent questions to varying degrees. They all went from “A”s on the first two tests to “D”s and “F”s on the test in question. Those patterns alone probably wouldn’t be enough evidence for an airtight academic integrity charge, but one of them gave up the whole group. It turns out they had access to my department’s copy room from a former student worker and would routinely pop in and steal exams in the to-be-copied pile after hours. In the end, it caused a big disciplinary fuss in the administration with “F” grades, multiple suspensions, and one expulsion. The cheaters were hoisted by their own petard and I got what passes for professor street cred among my peers for catching a well-organized group that many others had missed.
33. Mouth Mischief
I grew up with a step brother the same age as me. When we were about 15, I had to start shaving because my beard came in pretty early. I walked into the bathroom one day and caught him shaving his private parts with my brand new Gilette 4 blade razor.
So I took his toothbrush, scrubbed the toilet with it, wiped off the residue and put it back. I also put blue food coloring in his Listerine mouthwash. I don’t think he ever found out. He was, however, thoroughly confused as to why the mouthwash turned his entire mouth blue.
32. Killing Her (Lawn) Softly
I lived in a rented house for seven years next to a psychotic lawn-worshiping lady. She hated us for renting, hated us for not having as much money as her and made our lives hell. The night before we moved, we loaded a Uhaul waiting patiently at the curb.
I emptied $100 worth of Roundup (weed killer) in nice phallus-shaped patterns on her perfectly groomed lawn. I haven’t been back and I’ve never seen it, but I take comfort from her pain, as I perceive it.
31. Take That, Boyfriend Stealer!
My first “real” boyfriend (we kissed instead of just holding hands) kissed another girl and dumped me for her when I was a freshman in high school. She had actively pursued him although she knew he had a girlfriend, so I blamed her rather than him- I know, I was young.
Fast forward four years: I was a volleyball player throughout college. In the off-season, I played in a city women’s league and a co-ed league as an outside hitter. My team played a new team with a familiar face. She didn’t recognize me, but I immediately recognized her. My team’s setter kept giving me amazing sets and I kept slamming the ball over the net, just waiting for my shot. Finally, she was in the back row and my setter set me up. I hit the ball and the boyfriend stealer stepped into the hit. It bounced off her foot and went straight up into her face… and broke her nose.
30. Playing with Possums
For ten months I had the worst roommate ever; it was a 40-year-old guy who acted like he was 21. His parents supported him and paid for his condo, which I rented a room in with no lease. As such, I had no tenant rights which he took advantage of. He was loud, drank often, abused medication and yelled racial obscenities at the TV daily. He was constantly forcing me to listen to his rants about things he had no real knowledge about. This guy was the most spoiled, entitled, inconsiderate and narcissistic person I have ever met.
The day I was supposed to move out he was passed out from a day’s long alcohol binge. I moved all of my stuff into the truck and was driving off when it hit me: there was a possum carcass on the side of the road near the condo. I went back up, grabbed his BBQ tongs and a bag, and picked up that carcass. I walked back up again, went in, opened the door to his room, and whipped that carcass onto his bed, then walked out of that place for the last time. He never even stirred as the dead possum, rotting and baked by the sun, landed next to him with a sickening plop. He deserves worse, actually, but I did what I could.
29. Two Mice, Or Is It Mouses?
I once had a colleague I hated; he was very condescending and really arrogant. So, I put an extra Bluetooth receiver in his computer for a computer mouse and kept the mouse in my drawer.
I would just open my drawer and it would mess his work right up and I kept it going for almost two months. He was about to murder the world when I thought I better stop.
28. A Poopy Surprise
Back in the summer of 09, me and my girlfriend were going pretty strong. I found out she was cheating with this guy on the side. She admitted it, said she was sorry, but I still dumped her. I didn’t know the guy but it remembered his name. One night at a party a few months later, I got introduced to a guy I thought was him and I slyly worked out that it was. I’m not a guy to hold a grudge generally, but this was something else. I didn’t want to do anything to him but when I walked into a bedroom to take a phone call and there he was, passed out drunk on the bed.
I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I had too good an opportunity to pass up. I was pretty drunk at the time but the first thing I thought of was to take a dump on him. I passed it off as a stupid idea but I couldn’t think of anything else so I went with it. I left the party just after and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. Not a day goes by I don’t think about it. Needless to say, I haven’t told anyone about this in real life. I’m not sure but is say vengeance was a dish best served crappy.
27. No Work, No Grade
In 9th grade, I was the nerd everyone treated like a doormat. We had a geometry class in which we had to work in pairs to design a pyramid, and of course, I got paired with an annoying, dumb girl. She failed to contact me at all in the two weeks we had for the project. The weekend before it was due, I calculated how a 0% would affect my grade. I would still get an A, but it would make her fall below the threshold to continue participating in varsity volleyball (I roughly knew her grades from gossip that she was under the threshold in one class already and couldn’t fall under in another or she’d miss a tournament).
That Monday, our professor called up our groups one by one to drop off their pyramid. When she called our names, the idiot girl looked at me and smiled. I’ll never forget her face when I just said: “we didn’t do it.” The teacher looked up, nodded, and went back to her grade book. The girl didn’t get to go to that tournament, and curiously enough, everyone in groups with me suddenly became very eager to ask me what I wanted them to do for the project.
26. A Waspy Reception
I closed on selling my house but the buyers were some of the worst people I’ve ever come into contact with. They made insane demands and complained about stupid crap. I was fed up.
So, on the move out day, I bought a couple of wasp traps and put the attractant into a hole in the garage drywall.
25. “Nut Sandwich”
A girl in high school broke into my locker and burned $150 worth of books, that I had to pay for. I found out she did it, and patiently waited for the day she came into the restaurant I worked at. I took her order personally, even though I was the busboy; she wanted a club sandwich…yum.
I put my man bits on that sandwich, slathering every part deep into the nooks and crannies of the toasted bread. Some urine even dropped onto the roast beef. I served her meal and chatted with her in a friendly way while she ate every bite. The next day, I told the whole school. They dubbed her “Nut Sandwich” for the rest of the year.
24.The Skipping Rope
When I was eight years old, a girl at school tried to lasso me with a skipping rope. I broke free and broke her skipping rope in the process. She proceeded to tell on me to the teacher. Probably because she was a good girl and I was a little wild (evidence of this fact in a moment), the teacher believed her and ordered me to either fix the girls skipping rope or buy her a new one. Sensing an opportunity, I said I’d fix the girl’s skipping rope. It was one of those hollow rubber ones a bit like a hose with rubber handles at either end. The fix was to stuff the “hose” back into the handle fixing it in place with crazy glue.
I, however, used inferior wood glue so that the handle would break off again. I know what you’re thinking- a sub-par repair job does not make a very good revenge story. Well, she soon figured out which 8-year-old she shouldn’t mess with when the handle broke off, the grape juice I had filled the entire length of skipping rope up with came flying out all over her and her silly little skipping friends.
23. The Popcorn Trick
When I was a kid, I got the Sabrina the Teenage Witch “Handbook”; it was full of kiddie experiments and stuff and was pretty fun. My older sister had upset or annoyed me about something, so I tried out one of the tricks from the book, you fill a cup with water and some corn kernels, put some tinfoil on top of the cup, the kernels eventually pop and it makes noise against the tinfoil.
I put it under her bed and because it takes a few days to work, I completely forgot about it. One night, I woke up to my two sisters whispering; it had popped in the middle of the night and she thought there was a rat under her bed.
22. Through Thick And Thin
My good friend got married to a guy that she met online. He was originally from the town we lived in but he was stationed at a naval base in Washington state at the time. She found out that he cheated on her and she went insane. She hopped in her car and drove from Iowa to Washington straight through.
When she arrived in town she was even more crazed and high on caffeine and she went to his house and drove straight through his garage door. He was at work at the time and by the time he got home she had systematically destroyed every single thing he owned, right down to taking every single CD out of its case and breaking them in half. She also used a can of spray paint to write “cheater” on every surface. The level of damage was outrageous. There really wasn’t anything salvageable. The best part…those people are STILL married.
21. The Writing Deal
Back in college, I used to write papers on the side and charged $50 a pop. I wrote the paper, they paid me then I gave it to them. This one chick needed me to write a quick research essay due in a week. I said no problem. She gave me the paper she had started, so I could match writing styles. And we went our separate ways. Over the week, she kept asking for the price to be dropped. She was a friend and I’m a nice person so I told her $30. Then she wanted $20. And I said fine. It was a three-page essay, so I said okay. She tells a buddy of ours that she wasn’t going to pay my dumb butt at all, but was going to fake a “running late, I’ll pay you after class” deal so I’d give her the paper.
Now I’m not one to believe a rumor, but this was a source of income for me. So I wrote a second paper just in case. Sure enough, the next morning, two minutes before class, she comes running into class and is all “I’ll pay you after.” So I handed her the second paper. The first page and the work cited page was 100%. The second and third pages? Sheer gibberish of paragraphs clearly lifted out of random internet sites that I so helpfully added a work cited page with the links to the sites I lifted them from. You get what you pay for.
20. The Framing
When I was a kid I had a bed wetting problem. I am not ashamed of this now, as thousands of other kids have had the same problems… at the time, however, this was humiliating. My younger brother started telling other kids around school how extensive the issue was. I was mortified. Even after our mother told him to knock it off, he continued. So I decided to level the playing field.
The whole “hand in a cup of warm water” deal didn’t work. I stood over him as he slept one night and peed on him. The next morning, my mom was horrified and wound up taking a call from my grandmother. “I don’t know what to do, now BOTH of them are pissing the bed,” she explained, clearly frustrated. After a few more times of “framing” my brother as a bed wetter, he completely stopped using my embarrassing problem as entertainment.
19. May Or May Not
Thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of my ex-wife’s expensive shoes, clothing, and purses may or may not have mysteriously vanished. I may or may not have also kept quite a few of her belongings (kitchen stuff, etc) that may or may not have been hers. This may or may not have had to do with the fact that she cheated on me for my entire marriage and I found out about it right before our court hearing.
The above may or may not have been in my garage for storage while she was moving into her new house with her boyfriend. Some of her other belongings may or may not have been damaged in some small way. Or disappeared.
18. To Catch A Food Thief
I ground up laxatives and tainted all my kitchen fridge food with it to figure out which of my seven roommates was eating all my food, while I survived off a secret stash in my mini-fridge.
I found out who did it. Very, very quickly. By seeing and by smelling.
17.Wiffle Ball Revenge
In 4th grade gym, I discovered heartbreak, revenge, and victory all in one class period. Moments before class had started, my “boyfriend” dumped me because I was too weird. There I sat in disbelief and sadness, and he just ran around like nothing had happened. We were put on opposite teams, only making the chasm between us greater. Now, I am possibly the worst person at sports, wiffleball being no exception. I stepped up to the orange rubber plate, the bat heavy in my hands. The ex was pitching and called out to everyone in the outfield and said, “Don’t worry about this one, she can’t hit anything.”
I was embarrassed. I was heartbroken. Mostly, I was pissed. I said nothing, watching as he casually cocked back his arm. His eyes gleamed as the ball flew from his grip, careening towards me. I raised my bat and swung with all of my measly strength. The wiffle ball met my bat with a dull, plastic WHACK. Next, it met my ex’s balls, square on. I watched as he crumpled to the floor, a wailing heap. My team cheered for me as I ran around the bases, greeting me with high fives as I cleared home. It was beautiful.
16. “Go Find It”
Once, in first grade, I took off my shoe because I had a rock in it. For no reason other than this kid was a huge idiot, the class jerk stole it and took off running. I chase after him and he eventually throws my shoe down a hill into a field of tall grass and just looks at me with a huge grin.
In a badass stonecold first-grade timbre I say: “Go find it” and shove him down the hill into the grass after it. He starts crying and we run to the teacher. After explaining what happened, she made him go into the field and find my shoe. He crawled through the grass for about an hour before it finally turned up.
15. “Hablas Espanol?”
A guy at work pissed me off. I wanted to get back at him so I started thinking of the perfect way to do it. I ultimately decided on something, and it was genius! I placed a Craigslist ad with his phone number, and this is what it said.
Two free goats, hablas Espanol? He spent the rest of the day getting calls every 15 minutes or so.
14. Turning It Down
I went on holiday with my friend and her family when we were in our early teens and had to share the room. It was a hot climate and, since we came from a relatively cold climate, we found the heat unbearable. My friend called dibs on the bed by the air con, then proceeds to take complete control of it. The room was a sauna and obviously, I couldn’t sleep, but she refused to turn up the AC because since she was right next to it she would get cold.
By the third night in, after refusing my request to swap beds, I am beyond irritable due to sleep deprivation and she’s inadvertently mocking me by sleeping soundly next to the barely functioning AC. So, I turned that machine up full pelt while she was snoring away and had the best night’s sleep thereafter. I woke up before her and turned it back down, so when she finally woke with a sore throat and the sniffles she agreed to swap beds with me; I only slightly felt bad that she had a bit of a sore throat for the rest of the trip.
13. Cheaters Get Caught…Eventually
I once had a classmate that copied my entire final project for senior engineering design class onto his USB while I was taking a bathroom break. I didn’t know about this till the professor called me in and told me that I had to re-write my entire project since the two were identical (even though the classmate spoke very poor broken English and it was obvious that he could not have written in the way I had).
Fast forward to the next semester. On the final for another class, he kept nudging me for answers so on purpose I write down the wrong answers for him to copy off of. I waited till he turned his in, then re-did my test to the correct answers. He failed out because of that. I do feel a little bad but hey, if you cheat in engineering, you can kill people.
12. Crushed Lunches
Someone in my office would always crush lunches with his gigantic lunch box. Either he ate bricks or lead, but I always came to the office fridge and found that my lunch was in pieces. So, after three bouts of this, and numerous notes from myself and other colleagues, I decided to do something.
I carefully removed his lunch box, emptied the contents (a gigantic sandwich, a Twinkie, chips, some vegetable pieces, and a few other bits), and ran over them with my car. I carefully packed it back in and put it back. He kept his lunch in a cooler by his cube from then on.
11.Cookie Dog Treats
I used to buy small treat bags of gourmet cookies from a local bakery a few years ago. I would eat maybe one a day, but they were a treat for me. Back then, my husband and I had a retail store and a few friends that would hang out at the store (it was kind of a lounge too). Well, my husband and our friends (most were guys) would just help themselves, but they had no self-control nor would they even ask for some of my cookies. I would buy the bag for myself, and they’d be gone. I would try to hide them but couldn’t.
So I bagged up a bunch of dog treats that the local pet food store had that looked very very close to cookies for people, and were all about the same size as the ones I bought from the bakery. I placed them where all the guys could see them, and waited. Yep, they tried them and even asked if they were a bad batch or maybe the bakery missed an ingredient or two in the dough. I waited until they tried to eat more than three each then told them they were dog treats. They never touched my cookies again.
10. Boat Troubles?
Twenty or so years ago, we lived in a duplex and almost every other weekend our neighbor would park his 30-foot new-ish boat in the middle of the driveway. It made it almost impossible for us to park our car. When we asked him to relocate the boat (or we would complain to the landlord) he got mad and the next day the antenna on our car was broken.
So a few nights later, there was a light rain. We went out at 1 am with a water hose, stuck it in his boat and filled it up as best we could. We ran the water until it was almost daylight. That afternoon we heard him scream. I am not sure if he suspected us, because it did rain. But the boat was gone the next day and it never returned.
9. Something Soapy This Way Come
I was at the movies and my boyfriend and I were the only ones in the theatre until about a minute before it started. In walks two teen girls who sit a few rows in front of us and proceed to talk and be on their phones the ENTIRE movie. I didn’t want to complain or miss the movie, so I just internally raged the whole time.
Well, after the movie I needed to use the restroom and I see the two girls go in ahead of me. They set their drinks on the sink and went into the stalls, still talking their butts off. I roll my eyes and go to the bathroom. As I go to wash my hands they are still motor-mouthing 100 miles a minute. I look at the soap. I look at their drinks. I don’t hear a flush. I go for it. I didn’t put much in the straw. Just enough to leave the soapy taste of passive-aggressive revenge.
8. Like Lava
My boss would run over to my desk and eat my lunch when I wasn’t looking. Just take a bite of it and leave it there.
I bought a microwaveable cake from the work’s canteen, microwaved it for three minutes so it was like lava and left it at my desk. I can still hear the screams.
7. Don’t Make Fun Of My Car
I was in a big meeting with about fifty managers and supervisors) and two high-level guys made fun of my car, a Subaru Outback, in their presentation.
I had access to their personal info (phone numbers, addresses, emails, etc.) and sent it to the Subaru sales group, asking for a test drive, quotes, etc. They got spammed pretty badly for a while.
6. Unfair Sharing Habits
I had a roommate once who owned virtually nothing and used all of my stuff. I owned the TV, the Xbox, bought pizza every night for both of us, and let him use my computer because he didn’t own one. So one day, I open the freezer and see ice cream, so I eat some, operating under the assumption that we had a more or less shared space and shared belongings.
The next day, I get on my computer, and he had left his Skype open and I find him complaining about my computer about how I ate his ice cream. So I bought twenty-five pints of ice cream, filled the freezer with them, locked him out of my computer, stole all the cords to the electronics I owned so only I could use them, and only ordered personal pan pizzas. I hope he enjoyed that ice cream.
5. Not Taking Notes
I had a guy in school who would always skip class and then ask for my notes. We had a group project worth almost 40% of our grade and he did zero work, and the prof told me tough luck. Instead of just saying no the next time he asked for notes, I took the low road and began giving him edited versions. I would leave items out of lists, incorrectly define things or just straight up write stuff that made no sense.
An example of the crap I would put in: To calculate return on investment, subtract your yearly earnings from your current bank balance, then multiply by Escher’s factorial (4.22). If he had even once bothered to crack the text he would have figured it out, but that apparently would have been too much effort for him. He retook that class.
4. The Flip Flop Thief
We were sitting by a pool once, and a woman stood over my wife and started spraying sunscreen all over herself – and my wife.
We asked her nicely to please move and she ignored us and kept spraying. When we left, I took one of her flip flops with me. I know it must have driven her crazy trying to find it when she was ready to leave.
3. Credit Where It’s Due
My co-worker was always complaining and always lazy with his work, yet he got recognition for the simplest thing he would actually do. He also took credit for a full day’s work that was pretty much all me and I always got ignored. So one day, I came in early and I unplugged his ethernet jack just barely to the point it looked like it was still plugged into his computer.
For four hours he couldn’t do any work. Meanwhile, I got my work done, and he couldn’t take any credit for it since everyone knew he didn’t have Internet access. Halfway through the day, he left on break, I plugged it back in and bam, just like this it was working. By then, he couldn’t claim my work, and I began to get noticed more.
2. Doing the Work
This happened to my significant other when he was at university. His class was doing presentations in pairs, and he got paired with some girl who didn’t bother to bring notes or research information for their presentation. Instead, she let him do all the work, and any slides she did were made from his notes and research. He complained to his tutor and she told him “Don’t worry, leave it to me.” And then the day of the presentation comes.
They present and at the end, the tutor asks the girl a question. If I remember correctly the question was something like “Is there any evidence to suggest that some cultures are more prone to mental health problems?” And the girl answered no. The tutor then asked my significant other the exact same question, and because he’d actually read the research on the topic, he was able to list of several studies that showed that some cultures are in fact more prone to mental health issues. The girl glared at him the entire time he answered the tutor’s question. I’m pretty sure she ended up with a D, while he got an A.
1. Mail Fraud
A guy owed me money, but I wasn’t immediately worried because we had done transactions before. This was a transaction via USPS. He started dodging me, ignoring calls and messages and all, but stayed active on Facebook (just ignoring me and deleting my comments and posts). After three months of me getting progressively more impatient, I had had enough. I got the notification to approve him as a member of a Facebook group I’m in.
I approved him, then made a big post in the group putting him on blast for it, tagged and everything. I then added his mom and sister on Facebook and sent them messages. Mind you, the guy is in his thirties. He messaged me about it, and things are getting resolved. If it slips again, however, I’m calling his work. Working for Amazon and committing mail fraud probably don’t go well together.