Love confessions, family secrets, admissions of cheating–there are plenty of interesting things you can hear while people think you’re asleep! Read on for some sweet, hilarious, and disturbing things people have overheard when they are “sleeping.”
42. The Proposal
It was Christmas Eve. I wasn’t pretending to be asleep, but I was falling asleep when I overheard my then-boyfriend whispering with my mom (who is too damn loud for her own good, LOL). She “whispers,” “Oh (insert my boyfriend’s name) it’s beautiful! Are you nervous?” And that was when I knew he was going to propose.
Sure enough, Christmas morning, I’m in the bathroom trying to use cold water to shake off the nerves of what was to come. He did beautifully — it was so sweet, and he cried the whole question. I do wish it had been more of a surprise, but I was honestly too thrilled he was finally asking. We’re getting married next this upcoming May. I’m scared and beyond excited. He still doesn’t know that I knew. I’ll take that to my grave.
41. Bless You!
I was spending the night at a friend’s house once and did something I have no regrets about. I’m a guy, she’s a girl. She brought my friend over because we were out partying, and we all slept in the same room. I was laying on the floor near my friend when I heard my friend call my name.
Wanting to sleep, I ignored her and wasn’t moving. She then responded, “Okay, Andy. I think he’s asleep, come here.” About five minutes later, I heard the bed squeaking. One of them sneezed about 15 minutes into it, to which I responded, “Bless you.” They immediately stopped.
40. How To Dodge A Ticket 101
My friend and I once pretended to be asleep to dodge a ticket. One night during high school, my friend and I got invited to a party. I didn’t drive back then so my friend picked me up. All went well on our way to the party. On the way back, however, he got pulled over. As we were pulling to the side of the road, I told him that I was gonna pretend to be sleeping (since I was the passenger). Anyway, I heard the cop get out of his cop car, walk towards our car, and stop at the window. He didn’t say anything. I could feel the brightness of his flashlight but I didn’t hear him or my friend say anything.
After what seemed like an eternity, I decided to open my eyes to see what’s going on. That’s when I see my friend, the guy who is driving, is pretending like he is sleeping too. After my initial internal fear, the cop, who was obviously messing with us, apologized for waking us up and asked us to step out of the car. He never said but I’m sure he suspected us of being under the influence, which we weren’t. We fully cooperated and since we weren’t out past curfew, we were soon on our way. The reason the cops pulled us over? My friend’s car had a busted tail light. I asked him what did he hope to accomplish by pretending to be sleep-driving, to which he replied that he thought I had a smart idea and he should do what I did.
39. A “Puppy” For Christmas
I remember way back I couldn’t sleep on Christmas Eve, you know, being a little kid and all. So during this sleepless night where I guess my parents thought I was asleep, I heard my dad say, “Where do you think we should hide the new puppy?” That was pretty much at the top of my list, so naturally, I was excited that I was getting a puppy.
They talked for a good twenty minutes about the puppy, saying things like, “How should we keep it from barking before he finds him?” before I dozed off. The next morning, I discovered that my parents knew I was awake and just decided to mess with me. There was no puppy. I got a Gameboy though, so it wasn’t too bad.
38. I’m Gonna Marry Her
I had been asleep for about 30 minutes while my boyfriend and his buddy were talking. I’m not really sure what woke me up but I kind of became conscious for a few moments but didn’t really move or anything so I was just trying to go back to sleep.
Anyway, my boyfriend, who had been rubbing my back as I slept, turned to his buddy and said, “Hey man, you see this girl right here? I’m gonna marry her one day. She’s gonna be my wife,” and his buddy just said, “Yeah, dude, I know. And I’ll be standing right there with you when it happens.” It was so sweet and it was so hard to not just tear up or smile or anything. But when things are tough I sure do think of that night.
37. My Favorite Memory
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, I remember staying up late without the babysitter realizing. I remember when they came back home, I was so worried about getting into trouble for still being awake that I pretended to be asleep. My mom came into the room asking whether or not I was awake (I stayed quiet), and then she just sat down on my bed.
She was quiet for what felt like forever but was probably only a couple of minutes before she bent over, stroked my hair, and kissed the top of my head while telling me how much she loved me and how much I meant to her. She then tucked the covers around me tighter and left. To this day, it’s my favorite memory of her.
36. What Are Friends For?
Back in grade school, I was over at a friend’s place with a couple of other friends for a sleepover. We were watching Kenny vs. Spenny, the episode where they see who can go around naked the longest or something. His mom comes in and thinks he’s watching an adult movie.
Naturally, we pretend to be asleep while his mom reams him out and thinks he’s watching an adult movie in front of us. He tried to explain it was Kenny vs. Spenny, but his mom didn’t believe him. It was really awkward, to be honest. Sorry, Scott; good times though.
35. The Husband’s Confession
I heard my ex-husband once openly admit that he didn’t want to be married to me. I was in this messed up relationship with my ex-husband when I was pregnant with my second kid. We had a female roommate and we were all pretty close to one another.
Anyway, I pretended to be asleep one night and I heard my ex-husband and the roommate talking in the next room (the bedroom door was open so I could hear them pretty clearly). She asked him why he married me. His response was, “I just didn’t know what else to do at that point. It seemed like the next logical step and I took it. I honestly wish I hadn’t done it and I wish I was single right now living life, but now I have this family and I’m not sure how I’m gonna get out.” That hit me really hard.
34. Do You Even Remember What You Said?
I was dozing off in my bed with my girlfriend at the time when I heard her confess her love for me. She was hammered but she went into great detail about how she felt respected by me and saw a future with me.
I got yelled at the next morning for not cuddling with her, and that it was a major issue. I don’t think she even knew of her confession.
33. You Can’t Fool Your Mom
When I was a kid, my mom would make my brother and me take naps for like 45 minutes. I pretended like I was sleeping, and I heard my mom talking on the phone to my grandma. During the conversation, I assume my grandma asked what my brother and I were up to because she said that Hully’s brother is sleeping and that Hully (me) is pretending to be asleep. I was like what the?
She then said she knew I was faking because my mouth was closed, and whenever I’m actually asleep my mouth is slightly open. Ever since that day, whenever I’m pretending to be asleep for whatever reason, I keep my mouth slightly open. Thanks for the tip mom.
32. Mom And Dad’s Plan For The Night
My parents planning to “make love” later that night since I was going to be gone. My dad said, “What should we do tonight? Wanna make love?” And my mom goes, “Oh yeah! We haven’t done that in awhile!”
My parents have been together for 36 years. I’m happy they’re happy, but it was disgusting to listen to my parents talking about those kinds of stuff.
31. Chowder The Dog
When I was about 13 or 14, I overheard my parents talk about my dog, Chowder. I was in the living room half passed out from exhaustion while they were in the dining area. Chowder was in the vet for a couple of days because of something called distemper. I just thought that after a few days, he’d get better and go back home and be the normal dog he would be. I was wrong.
I lay motionless on the sofa because I was too lazy to get up. I accidentally heard mom crying. I heard words like, “What will we tell her?” and “She can’t know this before her exams… she might not do well.” By this time, I got really curious so I tried my best to stay awake while staying in the uncomfortable position that I was in. A few other medical terms passed and I hear the word “euthanize.” I knew what that meant and it took me a few seconds to put the pieces together. I cried the whole night and they found out in the morning.
30. The Plan For The Baby
For my friend’s 20th birthday party, we rented out a big place so that everyone could have somewhere to sleep for the night. While I was trying to fall to sleep, I overheard one friend tell her boyfriend that she was pregnant, but that she and the guy weren’t in the best situation (no job, still studying), so they were discussing what to do (and they were really confused). They were whispering trying not to wake me up but since I wasn’t asleep yet I overheard the whole conversation. I couldn’t even move because I knew it was an important discussion, and I didn’t want to disturb them.
A few weeks later, at another party, they were both devastated and were angry at each other. I figured it out and went to talk to them. They were surprised that I knew their “bad plan” about the pregnancy, but they were glad to have someone to talk to, to release some steam. They are still together and they now have two children. I like to think that I might have helped them get through this stage of their life.
29. The Cheating Boyfriend
I overheard my boyfriend talking to his friend about how guilty he felt for screwing around with another girl. I was curled up on the couch facing the back of it so he didn’t see the tears streaming down my face.
I confronted him days later and he tried to claim it happened during our break-up, but some of the details he’d said to his friend made it clear that it wasn’t and was actually during a really good time in the relationship. We broke up a short while later.
28. Do You Have Some Regrets?
My ex-boyfriend used to work graveyard at the casino, so we had very different sleep schedules. But, I once heard him say something really great about our relationship. One night, I was sleeping over as he was playing video games. I had been trying to fall asleep for about two hours, but couldn’t. As I lay there, he got on his headset with a new friend who he was helping through a dungeon. Not knowing I was awake, he started telling this dude about his life for hours.
At one point, the guy asked if he regretted leaving the Marines and going back to civilian life instead of extending his work. He said, “You know, man, for a while I did. But now I don’t. I have a decent life and more than anything an absolutely amazing girlfriend. I love her and if I stayed I would have never met her. Honestly, I’m so much happier now.” I never told him I was awake and heard it. Definitely warmed the heart.
27. That I’m Loved
When I was in high school, I was practically a loner. I moved from a big city in central Florida to a small town in the redwoods of California. I moved when I was in eighth grade, and I just kept to myself knowing that I’ll probably move again because of my dad’s job so I thought there was no point in making friends. I had a lot of sad thoughts and I felt that in middle school, if someone learned of my sad feelings then they would make fun of me. So, I had to pretend I wasn’t sad. Since I wasn’t good at socializing I realized one of the easiest ways to be in a good mood was to hold my classroom’s door open. I knew it was a nice gesture so I just did it, and I thought being nice meant being in a good mood so I held a door open every time. So every morning, I would always hold my first-period door open. I would get the occasional thank you and I would just nod my head. After a while, I would think “it’s working; no one will know that I’m feeling sad.” So I started doing more nice things to appear happy. I started picking up trash if someone littered and threw it away. I picked up a pencil when someone dropped it. If someone was sitting alone I would sit beside them and I would say good morning to everyone in my first period. In my mind, it was full proof no one would know I was sad and oddly enough I didn’t get bullied.
Fast forward to high school. Well surprise, surprise there were bullies. I was made fun of because I was Asian on my bus rides home, I was being pushed around in the hallways, etc. However, I kept on doing my gestures because you know, I did not want people to know I was sad. Fast forward to sophomore year. I was sitting there with my eyes closed to rest a bit and I overheard some kid was making fun of me and stuff. Then I overheard someone defending me. Someone was saying that I was a nice kid and stuff. But it wasn’t just one person, it was multiple people. They were talking about how dedicated I was to being nice to people: holding the door open, picking up trash, picking up dropped pencils, sitting next to the lonely kids, etc. Soon after, I started noticing people’s kindness towards me. On my bus ride, a couple of kids told their friend to apologize to me for always making fun of me being Asian. Some goth looking kids were wondering if I was alright and told me that I should smile some more since I had a great smile. I later came to find out that it was a bunch of football players that one morning when I was pretending to be asleep who defended me. Not long after I started smiling more, saying hello to everyone I knew the name of in the hallway (which was a lot apparently), and joined community involving clubs. I was even nominated for the sophomore class homecoming king. I ended up telling people not to nominate me because I wasn’t good in front of crowds. I ended up moving like predicted by the end of my sophomore year, but when I casually mentioned it in my English class everyone stopped talking and looked in disbelief. Looking back, it was that moment that I realized for the first time that I truly mattered to people, and I haven’t thought as many sad thoughts since.
26. Cheaters Really Never Win
I used to babysit these two girls for this lady when I was 16. One night, she texted saying she was coming home super late and asked me to stay the night, so I did. Anyways, she came home around 4-5 in the morning with some random man who certainly wasn’t her husband. I knew because her husband was in America at that time on a business trip ( I live in Australia).
It turns out she was cheating on him and the other guy happened to be a close friend of the husband’s. I was “sleeping” on the floor in one of the girls’ rooms and I could hear their conversation saying how they couldn’t believe how long they’ve been able to screw around behind the husband’s back. Pretty much just saying horrible stuff about her husband. I felt bad because I never told anyone because I didn’t want to get involved. This story has somewhat of a “win” ending though because the husband eventually found out and filed for divorce.
25. Not All Jokes Are Funny
When I was eight years old, my mom and her friend were talking about me and she goes, “I don’t actually even like her. She’s so annoying, I want to get rid of her.”
Naturally, I burst into tears. She said she was sorry, she knew I was awake, and it was just a joke. She’s got a cruel sense of humor.
24. Wash Your Hand, Please?
A weekend retreat at church camp. My buddy and another friend’s girl and I ended up in a room with two bunk beds. We were chilling when I realized that I was the third wheel, so I powered down. First, there were tests to see if I was awake, then she climbed to his top bunk, then kissing, then her “pleasure noises,” then her telling him he should wash his hand. I got bored and did some fake sleep-talking. They laughed and continued, but they called it a night without rounding home. She left, and I figured it was best to not give high-fives till the next day.
I don’t know why I waited until we were at his house — maybe she rode back with us. Still, it was my first time playing Super Nintendo, and as he handed me the controller that would introduce me to Yoshi, I asked him, “You did wash your hands, right?” He was so thrilled to get to talk to someone about it.
23. Trying To Prove To My Mom That She’s Wonderful
I pretended to be asleep in my hospital bed after I attempted to end my life at 13. My parents actually believed I was asleep and I heard my mom say to my dad, “First (my brother), now her. What am I doing wrong?”
It broke my heart because she is a wonderful mother and always had been. We just have bad genetics when it comes to mental illness in my family. I’ll never forget those words and I’m constantly trying to prove to her the wonderful job she’s done.
22. Not A “Merry” Christmas Memory
When I was seven years old, I was laying in my bed four days before Christmas after my dad dropped me off at my mom’s from a visit. My dad came in to talk to my mom and stepdad about how I would spend time with each of them on Christmas. I remember laying awake staring at the ceiling hearing my stepfather talk about how he would kill my dad if it wasn’t for me and yelling at him to get out of his house and all this other stuff.
I love my dad more than anything in the world, and I knew from a young age I was his primary source of happiness. Hearing him just walk out and the door close broke my heart. I just got back from an incredible spring break snowboarding trip with my dad from Colorado, and we have grown very close over the past year. My stepfather has always wanted me to be his son and treated me well, I have just held resentment for him since this incident; however, we are on good terms and he certainly does a lot for me.
21. Happy Dump Day, Old Man!
April Fools day at my buddies house. We were in our early twenties, but my buddy still lived with his dad. He was the youngest of three sons, and his dad was getting up there in age. He was an old-school drinking, unfiltered old man. Well, his son did the old “Saran wrap the toilet” prank. Waited till after the old man went to bed. Anyone who had ever stayed the night there had walked in on his dad’s middle-of-the-night poops. The old man never locked the door. You’d just wander in after a few beers and there is this shriveled old raisin of a man smoking on the toilet and letting loose some of the airiest, unhealthy sounding poop ever.
So we’re in the living room when we hear him go to take his midnight “business.” We’re watching TV but as soon as we heard him moving, we all pretended to sleep. About a minute later, we hear a loud “Aw, what the eff?!” come from the bathroom. We’re all (four of us guys) are trying our best not to laugh. A couple of minutes go by and his dad pops his head around the corner, sees us sleeping and just goes back to bed, calling us a bunch of “stupid jerks.” He wasn’t in bed for more than five minutes before we are all in tears laughing.
I had a joint birthday party with another girl when I was still in elementary school because she chose to do hers on my actual birthday weekend (when her real birthday was a couple of weeks before). We went swimming and back to her place for a sleepover. After movies and all of that, for whatever reason, I pretended to fall asleep… shortly after, all of my friends started to talk about how much they didn’t like my dad, and thought it was creepy that he was throwing everyone around in the pool.
It kinda broke my heart because my dad is a paraplegic and he had always done this with us in the pool because it was the only place that he really had the freedom to play with us like that. Sad day.
19. Easiest Way To Get Out Of Trouble
I’ve pretended to be asleep on multiple occasions. On my way back from a race in Colorado and my buddy got pulled over for speeding in Iowa. I was on the bench seat sprawled out trying to sleep, when we pulled over I asked what’s going on. My friend told me, “We’re getting pulled over.” I promptly said, “You guys deal with that, I’m going to sleep.” I pretended to be asleep and heard the cop go, “What’s up with your buddy? Is he okay?” and he proceeded to give my friends a ton of trouble for having me asleep in the back. The cop didn’t try and wake me, though.
Now that I think of it that’s not even the first time. I was a freshman in college and a couple of friends rented a house in RI and us all being underage idiots proceeded to have a massive party. Well, the cops raided it. I ran upstairs and jumped in a bed and just passed out. The cops barged in looking for whatever they could find. They were shining their flashlights in my face but I still pretend to be asleep. They call over and are like, “Hey. This kid’s passed right out.” They laughed a little, found a substance on the other bed in the room, and proceeded to let me sleep through everything.
18. The Good Kind of Gossip
I had been sleeping on the couch in my CCA room in the school, and I heard my name just as I woke up so I stayed put to eavesdrop. A couple of mates were talking about me in a positive light and saying nice things about me without knowing I was awake.
It was really nice to hear it especially since I was a relatively low point at that time. Every time I think about this I feel good, even though it’s been a half dozen years or so, and it always reminds me to uphold those good characteristics.
17. The Bad Kind of Gossip
In my freshman year in college, I woke up at 3 a.m. to my roommate and her friend whispering about me in the kitchen area when they were totally hammered. I heard stuff like, “She gets up too early,” “I hate how she doesn’t go out on Fridays, it’s so annoying.”
If you had a problem with me as a roommate, tell it to me straight. Preferably do this early in the semester, not the week before the term ends, so that I can adjust my habits and be a better roommate.
16. The Sweetest Mate
I must have fallen asleep in my room in the student flat; my room door was partially open and I woke to the sound of my flatmates coming back. I basically hadn’t been sleeping well and had been very depressed so I was avoiding speaking to anyone, so I attempted to go back to sleep. I heard a knock on my door but thought they’d see me sleeping and leave.
My flatmate calls my name, and again I thought she’d leave once she saw I was sleeping. The door opens, and I hear her walking over to my desk and she puts something on my desk and then something else, then she didn’t really make much noise so I presume she was looking at me and she just said, “I hope this makes you a bit happier” and out she goes, closing my door fully. When I “woke up” (because other flatmate proper slammed one of the doors), I saw she bought me some chocolates and a gift.
15. Early To Bed, Early To Rise
Over the summer, I went on a camping trip with a class and heard something I shouldn’t have. One night at our third campsite in Colorado, four members of our group had hiked up a mountain to see a frozen lake while everyone else, including myself, stayed at camp. We had a great time and the other members of our group didn’t return until much much later that night. Shortly after they began to arrive, the wind picked up and it started to rain a little. I helped in what ways I could then crawled into my personal tent (almost everyone else shared tents). Shortly after climbing into mine and changing, I saw a light come by the small window in my tent, and I knew who it was. It was one of the guys who went hiking. He stood next to my tent for a few moments and I just sat there quietly wondering what he was doing, then he walked away and I heard him say, “Well, this guy’s the first one in his tent again,” to two girls in our group.
From then, I continued to listen to him talk badly about me and ask other members of our class around camp what their opinions of me were. I sat there kinda stunned. I had been spending tons of time with everyone else on the trip and this guy had just come back from hiking for six hours, where he took a quarter of our food (snacks for everyone) with him. Not to mention most of the other lazy stuff he did around the campsites and how little he helped here and there. The next morning, I was the first to wake up. I got dressed, opened my tent, and began to walk around the campsite, admiring our view of the Colorado valley we were in. A little while later, I hear someone else wake up, and it’s him. We talked casually a little bit and he asked how long I had been awake, and I said, “You know what they say. Early to bed, early to rise.” The professor chewed him out later that day when he decided to go take a shower at the clubhouse of the bunks we were staying at while everyone else was trying to unload our stuff and cook at the same time in a blizzard. But after I heard what he said, I made sure I offered everyone help with whatever they were doing because I felt like I needed to help more after hearing that.
14. Something Kids Won’t Understand
When I was about five years old, I awoke late at night to the sounds of a heated conversation between my mother and her parents. Intrigued, I carefully crept to the hall to listen. I didn’t understand everything I heard that night until much later; however, the tone of that conversation scared me and forever colored my relationship with my grandparents.
My mom was telling them how she had suffered abuse as a child at the hands of a close relative. My grandparents were victim-blaming, rug sweeping, and generally creating a ruckus. Shortly after I chickened it back to my bed, they were kicked out for shouting at her. I pretended to be asleep when mom came to check on me and my sibling just after. She stood there for a long time. I’ve never discussed this with mom, although she has told me about that night from her perspective once I was a teenager.
13. Set On Fire
A French girl I met in a hostel came into where I was sleeping and just sat there. I had just cut it off with her so I didn’t want to deal with her nonsense so I pretended to be asleep for a few minutes. She just mumbled random stuff; she was pretty hammered.
What finally got me up was when, in the cutest French accent, she told me she was going to set me on fire in my sleep. I should have mentioned that, yes, I did sleep with her again after that. Sometimes you gotta do messed up stuff to avoid being set on fire.
12. Looks Like An Angel
During a short road trip with people I kind of liked but didn’t consider close friends, I slept and woke up but I left my eyes closed to listen to music in case I’d be able to fall asleep again.
One of the girls in the car said, “She looks like an angel when she sleeps.” This was the single most touching thing I have ever heard about myself. I don’t consider myself a beautiful woman (pretty, funny, intelligent, but not beautiful), so hearing this made my day. Hell, it made my decade! I didn’t say anything, I just reveled at the moment and never forgot that wonderful thing that was said about me.
11. Does It Feel So Small?
My girlfriend and I were sharing a hotel room with another couple. We had all been drinking and crashed as soon as we hit the hotel room.
My girlfriend and I were quiet, starting to fall asleep when we hear from the next bed, “See? That doesn’t feel so small does it?” “Hehe, no…” And then we busted out laughing. We never let him live that down.
10. Bromance Confession
Some friends and I were visiting our fraternity’s house at another university in Florida so that we didn’t have to pay extra for a hotel. They graciously hosted us but we would be sleeping on the couch.
My buddy and I were having trouble sleeping and overheard two of the brothers confessing their “feelings” for one another and also cursing this other guy named “David” as he was the source of some conflict between these two guys. Like “Screw David man because me and you, we have a connection” is exactly how I remember it.
9. The Cheaters
I heard something I shouldn’t have when I was hammered one night. I was wasted at a party and couldn’t fathom the world so I lay down, closed my eyes in a dark room.
I then heard two of my friends come in; one came over to me and poked me in the ribs then said, “It’s fine, he’s asleep,” and then proceeded to talk about how both of them were cheating on their boyfriends and who at the party they wanted to sleep with.
I was 17 years old, at school (I went to a really crappy school that I loved and still do, where we wouldn’t even need to be in class), we were outside of the classroom, with a couple of friends and it was freaking cold, almost snowing in a place where it never snows. I was trying to sleep in a “friend’s” lap (I liked the dude, and I didn’t know if he liked me).
When he thought I was asleep, he started to pet me, like touching my hair and my head in a very relaxed way while talking to the rest of our friends (he wasn’t really affectionate in a physical way with anyone). He shushed them a couple of times so they wouldn’t wake me up. It was the sweetest thing. I never told him I heard him or knew anything about that. We’re together now.
7. Making The Dream Come True
I was in the backseat of the car and fell asleep. I woke up just in time to hear the guy driver and the girl riding shotgun confess that they’ve been having naughty dreams of each other. The problem was that they were both already in relationships.
I kept my mouth shut and watched them dance around each other for YEARS knowing this. After like three years, they both broke up with their individual partners and ended up with each other.
6. “I Love You”
My boyfriend at the time whispered “I love you,” thinking I was asleep. It might not seem like a big deal except it was the first time he’d ever said it to me. If he’d been cuddling me a little closer, he’d have felt my heart rate accelerate, as I loved him too but was too shy to say it.
He tried it again when I was clearly awake and I pretended to be surprised and overjoyed, but I knew.
5. What If It Stinks
One night during year three camp, I awoke to hear one of my bunkmates who was sleeping below me (I was on the top bunk) talking with one or two of the other people in my room. She was really distressed, understandably, because she managed to poop herself during the night.
She was crying saying, “I don’t know what to do,” “Do I put in the bin?,” “What if it stinks the whole room by the morning?” All while I’m tucked in my sleeping bag hoping they don’t notice I’m awake. I can’t remember what happened in the morning or after that but luckily nothing bad came of it.
4. A Not-So-Good Sister
I arrived in New York to visit my older sister. I was a teenager at that time. She was very happy to see me. I was so tired so I took a nap.
When I woke up, I heard my sister having an intense conversation with her husband; the conversation was about me so I continued to fake sleep. She was talking crap about me to her husband. The funny part was her husband was defending me.
3. Best Bro Ever
About a year ago, I woke up from sleeping in my housemate’s room at uni and he was talking to our other housemate’s girlfriend at the time. They were talking about me, and she asked my housemate why I was single. He just said, “Because he’s too good for everyone. He doesn’t deserve second best.”
It was completely unexpected. If I ever do a speech at his wedding I’d tell people that. Such a nice thing to say about someone.
2. Mom’s Resentment
When I was 14, I went on a Caribbean cruise with my mom, grandma, aunt, and cousin. I was sharing a room with my mom and grandma, and one morning, I woke up to them arguing and my mom crying. I pretended to be asleep because it would have been extremely awkward to just get out of bed in the middle of all that. My mom was calling my grandma out on all of the times she abandoned her and her brother and sister during their childhood (which was quite a few times).
It was something that I kind of knew about before, but the stuff that my mom was saying to my grandma was just insane. My grandma denied none of it but tried to absolve responsibility.
1. My Best Friends’ Love Story
When I was in middle school, I was at a sleepover with my two best friends. We played football and went bike riding, but when we got back to one of the guys’ houses and they wanted to watch “The Bodyguard.” Okay. The older guy kept going on and on about Whitney Houston’s singing. Blah. Being bored, I tried to get some sleep.
The next thing I know I hear “Is he asleep?” Kissing noises. “Should we get him in on this?” More kissing noises. “No, I don’t think he’d join anyhow.” So that was the first time I realized that “gay” wasn’t a slam but a real thing. And my best friends were in love with each other. Loudly.